WARNING!! ADULT CONTENT

WARNING!! ADULT CONTENT
If you were born after 1989, LEAVE NOW.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Sign Me Up!



The Daily Record - NEWS - WONDER PILL FOR WOMEN

Whoever thought of making a pill that would increase your sex drive AND help you lose weight is GENIUS. Pure Genius. If this is really the wonder drug that it says it is, it could just be the medical breakthrough of the decade and women will be popping these pills left and right much like 70-year-olds have been with Viagra. Granted, it would be nice to see a cure for cancer or Alzheimer's, but with the current administration, progress in those areas has been delayed.

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Sunday, April 29, 2007

And So the Name Game Begins...



'I Abhor Injustice,' Alleged Madam Says - washingtonpost.com

I can't wait to see who else is on this D.C. Madam's list. So far, one deputy secretary of state, Randall Tobias, has resigned after confirming that he used "gals...to give me a massage." Hmmmmm, with a happy ending perhaps?? The thing that irks me about all this is not that a public official hired escorts, but the idea that this public official is in charge of overseeing abstinence-only programs abroad. When will this administration ever learn, like any good Christian, that they've got to practice what they preach?

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Friday, April 27, 2007

Fantasy Friday: From Husband to Man Whore, Chap. 1-3

OK, I'm going to shamelessly plug my new site, Cumluscious, a full-on cum-crazed blog. I started a new story on there, and I'm gonna be lazy and just link to it rather than write a whole new story for this blog. Don't worry, I'll post something erotica-slanted sometime next week, but for now, this'll have to do. Enjoy!

From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 1
From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 2
From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 3

Thursday, April 26, 2007

He Bought the Cow and Died Trying to Get the Milk for Free




Cambodian kicked to death by unaccommodating cow - Unusual Tales - Specials

How sad is this? Some old guy in Cambodia decides that Old Bessie, the cow with the great hind end and huge udder, is looking mighty sexy. So in the attempt to fuck the cow, he dies, suffering from fatal injuries to the head and the groin. I guess Old Bessie wasn't having it. Tsk, tsk. So there's a lesson for you kids. Make sure you wear protective gear when you decide to have sex with a cow.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Horny Nutcrackers




The Sun Online - News: Queen's Guards in X-rated film

Apparently, those infamous Queen's Guards -- you know the ones that wear the red uniforms and funny hats and guard the Queen of England -- are a bunch of raunchy, horny, naughty little wankers. A few of them got really drunk, in their uniforms of course, and shot an x-rated video of them baring their asses, slapping each others butts, and participating in some wankeroo with each other. In my mind, it's not really the activity that got them fired, it's the fact that they videotaped it and allowed the incriminating evidence to land in the wrong hands. Besides, how could you NOT get horny just looking at those fucking hairy, phallic hats? As much as these soldiers stand and walk around like robots, they're just human for fuckssake. And they're fucking sexy. I always had a thing for the Nutcracker. Just the name alone gets me all hot. Oh Baby.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Top Ten Reasons to Be In the Porn Industry



Top ten reasons to enjoy porn - Spotlight

Number 10 -- Your porn name. Need I say more?
Number 9 -- You can "help an insecure person not feel alone during sex."
Number 8 -- You can be "comical" while still pursuing a serious career in acting.
Number 7 -- Things like lingerie and manicures and makeup can all be tax deductions (for a woman this is HUGE).
Number 6 -- You can finally tell people what your ass tastes like.
Number 5 -- You give dumb college students a topic to write about for their school newspapers.
Number 4 -- Your "horrible boob job" and "some what distorted body" might encourage other women to seek out a more "legitimate" career path.
Number 3 -- You get paid to have sex. And you don't have to stand at the corner of Sunset and Vine or have dinner with a guy who spits while he chews.
Number 2 -- Everyone secretly wishes they were you.
AND
Number 1 -- You're probably smarter than this dumbass who wrote the article referenced above, and you're not paying thousands of dollars in tuition just so you can work in a cubicle someday.

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Monday, April 23, 2007

No Penis Power Here



My clit is bigger than these guy's penises.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Free Boobies!!!




JANE Guide to Breast Health: Slideshows: janemag.com

Ha Ha, made ya look. Play the JANE Guide to Breast Health Slideshow and you get to see free pics of boobage. Mind you, they're not the kind you're used to seeing in porn and on Spamela Anderson and the like, but they're what you'd see if the chick next door suddenly decided to flash you for beads. I actually applaud this little slideshow and the attempt to make us ordinary women feel grateful that we have above-average sized 34Cs.

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Saturday, April 21, 2007

You Can Actually Get Paid for That?



SEXUAL 'GOFER' VS. BOSS By DAREH GREGORIAN - Regionalnews - New York Post Online Edition

So this woman is suing her ex-boss because she claims he made her buy lube and organize his nude pics and set up fuck buddy dates for him on business trips. I don't know about you, but I'd actually LOVE to get paid to do stuff like that. Forget filing - BOOORING. I'd much rather be browsing sex shoppes than typing up a form letter, thank you very much. Personally, I don't see what she's so worked up about. Lame.

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Friday, April 20, 2007

Fantasy Friday: Cum Play Dress Up with Me, Part Two


He drives a couple of blocks to an empty parking lot and finds a spot where it's dark enough that no one will notice.
I say, "You have to pay me first."
He chuckles a bit to himself, but reaches for his wallet, and says, "You better be a good little cumslut if you're gonna get my hard-earned cash."
"Don't worry," I say, "You'll get your money's worth."


I grab the cash from his hands, stuff it down my bra, and turn towards him. "So, baby, show me that hard cock of yours."

I unbutton his pants and begin to work his zipper while he grabs my breasts.
"God your breasts are nice and big. I love that cleavage of yours," he says while I take his cock in my hand.
He gasps when I put it full on into my mouth, my lips closing tightly around it. I stop long enough to say, "Baby, your cock feels so good in my mouth."
He begins to thrust a little each time my mouth goes down to the base of his cock. This time, my knees are on the car seat, and my ass is up in the air. He reaches up my skirt and begins to rub my pussy. "Oooh, you're wet," he says.
"Yeah baby, I get wet when I suck a good cock."
He slowly slides one finger in my pussy. "mmmmmm," I say. "I like that."
He pulls his finger out, tells me to look at him, and sucks on his finger like it's covered in honey.
"Fuck, you turn me on," I say.
"Yeah? You wanna fuck me?" he asks.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Ummm...



Skoften.net - Je weet toch



I'm not sure WHY someone would do this, but it's definitely a picture essay if I ever saw one. Make sure to scroll down slowly. I'm sure if you had videotaped me while I was looking at this, you would have seen the progression of my eyes bugging out of my head. Enjoy!


Skoften.net - Je weet toch

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Slutty Professor






Glimpse of porn in class leads teacher to resign
Dear Substitute Teacher,
Please make sure you show this instructional video about volcanoes to the kids. It's the one entitled "Hot Lava Eruptions: There She Blows."
Sincerely,
Ms. Kalabus

Poor teachers. All of a sudden they're in the news left and right, and not because they raised test scores or single-handedly changed a student's life. If it's not fatal attractions to students or promoting sex acts among students while they watch, it's being forced to resign because your porn accidentally got mixed up with the educational videos you show in class. I blame the porn industry. If it wasn't for their ambiguous titles, all of this could have been avoided. How easy is it to mistake "A Midsummer Night's Cream" for the PBS rendition of the famous Shakespearean play? Or "ET: The Extra Testicle" for your favorite movie when you were in school? And don't even get me started on "Good Will Humping" or "Hairy Pooter and the Sorcerer's Stone." Still, the actual educational video I saw in Physiology class of a woman giving birth has scarred me far worse than porn ever has.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

True Dat



Beware of the penis power, ladies. And god forbid if that penis power done ejaculated into yo brain. Lord, have mercy!

Alexyss Tylor, an Atlanta public access TV host, says that she doesn't have a master's degree or PhD in academia, but she does have "a master's degree in being played by men, used by men, told everything I want to hear to get me into positions..." Thus, Vagina Power, her local public access talk show (where she does mainly ALL the talking), is born.

If you have the 10 minutes to spare to listen her spew out her so-called teachings, you might find yourself laughing out loud in some spots, especially at her trusty sidekick.

Monday, April 16, 2007

I Love the Smell of VULVA in the Morning



VULVA Original

Words escape me. You're just gonna have to click on the link and see for yourself. If only they invented olfactory capability in computers. You can either spend the 20 Euro to buy it bottled or stop by my house anytime and I'll give you a free whiff.

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Saturday, April 14, 2007

It's Survival of the Fittest at work



What an ovulating girl wants: Manly men - LiveScience - MSNBC.com
Who says evolution is a crock? This study suggests that women seek out masculine men when ovulating, proof that we want our species to thrive and produce genes fit for survival. Not to say that a "manly man" is the height of mankind, but it does prove some theories:
1. Horny women are probably responsible for the success of Brad Pitt's career.
2. George Clooney isn't gay; he just recognizes that women only want him when they're ovulating, and not when they want a long-term relationship.
3. No wonder I find my husband's bushy eyebrows so goddamn sexy.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Fantasy Friday: Cum Play Dress Up With Me


My husband and I occasionally like to role-play, and getting to dress up like a slut is part of the fun for me. One of my fantasies is to dress up real slutty, make up like a hooker, skirt barely covering my ass. If I bend down, you're sure to see my pussy. Six inch heels like the kind strippers wear with black thigh highs that are sure to turn any pantyhose fetishist wild. I tell my man to meet me at the corner of Sunset and Vine, and I'm standing there at the bus stop looking like the horny hooker that I am, ready to take on my next john. He sees me and pulls over, and I bend over giving the people at the bus stop behind me quite a show. I say, "Wanna date handsome?" and he replies, "How much?"
"Forty for a blow, sixty for a fuck," I say, like I've been a prostitute for years.
"Get in," he says, and I get slightly wet when he says it because he sounds so forceful and manly.
He drives a couple of blocks to an empty parking lot and finds a spot where it's dark enough that no one will notice.
I say, "You have to pay me first."
He chuckles a bit to himself, but reaches for his wallet, and says, "You better be a good little cumslut if you're gonna get my hard-earned cash."
"Don't worry," I say, "You'll get your money's worth."
...TO BE CONTINUED

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Bravo New York!




New York's risqué condom campaign. - By Bonnie Goldstein - Slate Magazine

Kudos to New York for launching a safe sex campaign, giving away free condoms, and promoting responsible behavior in a variety of languages for the city's population.

While some might consider this a "risqué" move on the part of New York's mayor, Michael Bloomberg, I feel that it's smart, necessary, and significant for one of our nation's largest and most trend-setting cities to finally acknowledge the fact that people have sex and should be taught how to do it responsibly.

Now, hopefully, people will continue that responsible behavior and throw their used condoms in the trash instead of discarding them nonchalantly in the already littered streets of New York.

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Beyonce? Really?


AskMen.com - Top 99 Women 2007



OK, so AskMen.com recently published their list of the Top 99 Desirable Women of 2007. I have several problems with this. One, 2007 is only 4 months old. If they want to prematurely publish this list before the end of the year, be my guest, but I'm just saying. Who knows? Maybe some buxom bombshell will fall out of the sky in mid-July. Then they'll feel really stupid. Second, who are these men that they're asking? The website claims that "more than 8.5 million votes were cast over a six week period." Was each vote a unique vote or was it simply the result of an overzealous obsessed fan who has a thing for Scarlett Johansen? The reason I ask is that the list is somewhat interesting. Reese Witherspoon and Cameron Diaz were among the rejects. Which I don't quite understand since Jennifer Love Hewitt was on their Top 99 List. Their number one reject from the list was Britney Spears, which I actually applaud. She's not even on my list of Top 10,000. Many of the women on this list are people I have never, ever heard of. A whole lot of them are models, and funnily enough, NONE of them are porn stars. WTF? This is my third reason for having a problem with this list. If you look at the actual revenues of the porn industry, that alone is proof enough that porn stars are some of the most desirable women in the world. Maybe AskMen.com wanted to avoid "controversy" by not nominating any porn stars, but give me a break. I know quite a few of them would be in MY Top 99. Lastly, their number one desirable woman out of the 99 listed is....BEYONCE. Really? I mean, she's hot and all, and yeah, she can sing, and she has an amazing ass. But, IMO, definitely not No. 1.

Hello Pink Artichoke Readers,
For the past few days, I've been remiss in posting new entries. Mainly due to the lack of time afforded for internet access while traveling, partially due to a lack of initiative on my part to keep a fresh post available in my absence. But do not fear! I will more than make up for it in the next few posts...Today I am posting two entries that I hope will make you think and will titillate your brain synapses and urge you to formulate your own theories about sex and the world we live in.

In the meantime, here's a Best of Craigslist entry that I found somewhat amusing. Evidence, once again, that sex is a need, just like food and water.


best of craigslist : Dear, guy masturbating in the bathroom stall at my work...

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Peep Show

Happy Easter!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

This Ain't Your Sister's Barbie Doll



The Evolution of Sex Dolls in Japan
Sex Dolls have come a long way, baby. Now, it's amazing how lifelike they really are. Some look even better than the real thing. I'm sure some of these are collector's items, and they probably cost a fortune. But, if you want a girlfriend-like experience without the girlfriend or a live human for that matter, take a look at these.

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Friday, April 6, 2007

Fantasy Friday - Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun!!

No, this isn't a fantasy about twins. But you can probably guess where this is going. For the longest time, I've wanted to have a DP. The idea of one cock in my cunt and another cock in my ass at the same time...wooowwweee!!! I get so turned on whenever I see this particular sex act in pornos, and I marvel at the ability of some women to take two huge cocks in so easily. Here's what I fantasize about...

For more Fantasy Friday, go to my X-rated blog.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

The Language of Love

I know I've been posting some fluff lately -- celebrity shit and comic videos -- no REAL entries about the world of sex and everything in it. Maybe it's the mood I've been in lately; I kinda don't want to think about everyday life and the weighty issues that surround us. Just give me a 2-minute video from YouTube that'll make me laugh out loud, and I can rest in peace. Besides, most of you readers don't wanna hear me rant, you just want Fantasy Friday everyday (which, by the way, this week's post should be good). Anyway, until tomorrow, here's more fluff to keep your mind off work and how much sex you're NOT getting.




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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Greatest Headline Ever




Angry girl takes bite out of Hamburger | Metro.co.uk

I love this headline: "Angry girl takes bite out of Hamburger." Some guy from Hamburg got more than he bargained for when he wouldn't just let the girl dance.
A German girl who could not get an admirer to stop bothering her in a Hamburg disco unzipped the man's flies, pulled out his penis, put it in her mouth - and then almost bit it in half.

I've been assaulted on the dance floor before (for some reason, big black guys with hard ons seem to sneak up behind me right when I'm getting my groove on), but I don't think I've ever been mad enough or drunk enough to want to bite a guy's dick off. A word to the wise: beware of strange women who suddenly go down on you on the dance floor.

OK, so today's post has nothing really to do with sex, but I couldn't help but post the headline.


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Tuesday, April 3, 2007

The Saddest Handjob

Here's a bit of comic relief in preparation for Hump Day.




Via: VideoSift

Does any of this sound familiar? If I were Louis C.K.'s wife, I dunno how happy I'd be with his characterization of me. Now, if he looked like Dane Cook,...



Did Dane Cook steal Louis C.K.'s material?



Monday, April 2, 2007

Check Out Those Lady Lumps

Tittle-Tattle: Fergie Has Experimented With Lesbian Relationships - The Post Chronicle
My humps. My humps. My lovely Lady Humps. Maybe there's more to that stupid song than I originally thought. Fergie likes those lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front. I apologize for getting that tormenting tune in your head, but apparently this is news people. Fergie has had (gasp!) sex with other women. And again, I apologize for getting that horrible image in your mind. I'm picturing Bret Michaels and Pamela Anderson all over again, only with more crystal meth and collagen injections.




Picture courtesy of Perez Hilton


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Sunday, April 1, 2007

God Bless Us, Everyone...Well, Three of Us


Threesomes Within a Christian Marriage

Either this is some really great April Fool's Day prank, or Christians can interpret pretty much any passage in the Bible to support their beliefs. This is some really fucked up shit. Here's basically what the article says: It's ok to have a threesome, as long as it's not two men and one woman (Homosexuality is evil!) and the two women in the threesome can engage in lesbian sex as long as they maintain female stereotypical roles of submissiveness, look like women (i.e. wear lipstick and have a high-pitched voice), and still obey the male. And I quote,...

...we feel a Christian threesome is morally acceptable if it meets these conditions: It must be composed of one man and two women, all of whom recognize and maintain proper sex roles for men and women in and out of the bedroom. All married members of the threesome must consent to the arrangement and have consent from their spouses. And finally, the purpose of the relationship must be that it ultimately strengthens the existing bond between husband and wife and allows all three parties to share and celebrate their love of God together.


I attempted to find out who the author of this groundbreaking bullshit is, but to no avail. There are also links to God's view on oral sex, anal sex, and of all things, fisting. You may find your jaw dropping as you read this stuff, so beware. But most of all, know that God is looking down on you in pleasure as you fuck your wife's best friend silly.