The Pink Artichoke

Oh, Hai. This is my blog.

2008-10-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's Fantasy Friday. I'm devoid of fantasies at the moment. Unfortunately. All I can say is that the world of mommyhood and an invigorating sex life, be it in print or for reals, are two mutually exclusive things right now. Perhaps I should start a blog entitled "Celibate Mom" or "The Day My Sex Life Died" or "How My Baby Stole My Heart and My Libido". For the life of me, I can't seem to let my mind get to a sexual place and dwell in the candlelit haze of erotic tale-spinning. Maybe it's the fact that I'm totally and completely obsessed with this election and any free time I have is devoted to reading as much political information I can get my grimy, spit-up covered, drool infested hands on. Either that or I'm just so fucking tired.

Seriously, am I a freak? Does this happen to other moms out there? Or am I just some lame female who can't juggle being a stay at home mom and having a semi-normal life all at the same time? Don't answer that.

A Slight Case of Blogger's Block

2008-10-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you can't think of anything to write about? Write about it, of course! So here I am, completely devoid of any original thoughts, blogging about my desolate mind, wondering why I feel like the world of sex is so incredibly boring right now. It's not, really. In fact, more and more people are looking for sex during these uncertain times, what with the recession and talks of a Depression, financial markets on the edge of ruin, and the election taking a nasty turn. And just today, ABC News uncovered NSA military telephone operators allegedly eavesdropping on personal phone calls by military officers, including but not limited to phone sex calls and pillow talk between officers and their significant others. And in other news, Coke is the new spermicide, Jamie Lynn Spears is supposedly pregnant again, and Betty White finds Barack Obama extremely sexy.

So you see, I could blog about any number of things, but I'm too fucking lazy and lack the energizing creativity at this particular moment in my life. I'm trying to channel all my inspiration into a Fantasy Friday post, so stay tuned.

Misleading Headline of the Day

2008-10-06T19:01:00.000-07:00

Nerds Rejoice: Braininess Boosts Likelihood of Sex

What the article does say is that women look for intelligent signs of life when on the hunt of a potential mate, long-term or short-term. Yes, brains are a turn-on, nerds of America. What it doesn't say until the second page, however, is that LOOKS ARE STILL MORE IMPORTANT THAN BRAINS. So, don't get all excited there, nerd-boy. If you look like a geek, quack like a geek, and don't look like Brad Pitt, then chances are your chances of getting laid are still pretty slim.* In fact, I'm not sure why they even published this article.

**I, for one, am so turned-on by geeks. Ask my husband.

Boobies!

2008-09-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know what my obsession is with boobs lately. Perhaps it has to do with the current state of my mammaries, but it seems I am constantly checking out women's chests, clothed or unclothed, comparing them of course to my own, but entirely in a non-sexual manner. (I'm not THAT pervy, gawd.)

For example, as I was browsing through the naked photos of swingers on the swinger site we belong to, I found myself drawn to nipple pics. If there was a nipple pic, there I was studying it. Really studying it. Wondering if I have completely lost my affection for boobs now that my own have been reduced to becoming somewhat utilitarian in their purpose. Don't get me wrong, I am completely and utterly amazed at the lactation process, feeling grateful that I can experience such a wondrous aspect of motherhood, but at the same time, I sometimes feel like a cow. A very tired, very sleepy cow. And there are times when I wish that the pressure to produce could be lifted for a while and my boobs could go back to being the sexualized funbags they were before I gave birth.

But, long story short, this is just a very long-winded, TMI version of what I originally wanted to post, which is this:

Cops Hunt Bare-Breasted Bandits

Some 18-year-old guy got mugged by a girl gang dressed in overalls and nothing else. Just bare breasts covered strategically by overalls. I know, can you believe it? Overalls are soooo 90s.

Sounds like a CFNM Fantasy, if you ask me.

Sugasm #148

2008-09-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #149? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

People I could hang out with

“But it wasn’t just a story, it was a damn sexy story.”

Red, Hot Ass

“I grunted, but held still.”

Smart Girls Make Better Lovers

“Chicks with brains can make you scream.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice

Sex Blogging and Writing for the Drawer

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Sex History

Right To Vibe

Erotic Writing and Experiences

A is for

Adult Party Games - Round One

Adventures in Digital

Balcony fun

The Dinner Party: Part I

Female Waxing

Frisson

Her Glorious Cunt

Lilly and the Construction Crew

Not So Complicated

Sex in Public on Road Trip Day 9

So Wrong….

The Waiting is the Hottest Part. Confession #140

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews

Every Kind of Sex Available: Exploring The Limits of CyberSex

NYC Sex Bloggers 2009 Calendar

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Impertinent Question: What’s the Kinkiest Thing You’ve Ever Done?

Study HNT

Sex Work

Sex Work and Compassion: Self Hating Client

The Sockjob Goddess Returneth…

Sex Advice

Libido in Older Women

Pregnancy BDSM

Try the Pelvic Slide Position for Maximum Clitoral Stimulation

BDSM & Fetish

A domestic fantasy

A man becomes a fucking machine

Not your usual gangbang.

Playing the scene

Sex Camp 2008: Fiiiiyuuuurrrr!!!

Sex Humor

Fantasy Friday: Ahoy, Matey!

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Autobiography of a Masturbator: Porn O’Graphicus, Part 4

Marriage Failure a Natural Success

Never submit to escort screening

Sex Shop Jitters

Ten Things I Find Extremely Sexy On Men - The Non-Physical Version

What I read at Dirty Words night

Why do I do This?

Fantasy Friday: Quid Pro Quo

2008-09-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

I opened the box in front of him like I was offering a secret treasure, looking only for the reaction on his face the moment he saw what it was. He stared, but he didn’t touch, folding his arms, trying to make out what kind of contraption it really was. Finally, “It looks like a squid.” He stared. I said nothing, only smiled “You think you’re going to put that up my ass, don’t you?”

“Yep.”

The Aneros Helix was something I found accidentally. I was going to buy a butt plug, indulge a fantasy of his and wear it all day long, only to have it replaced with his hard cock later that evening. But when I saw the Helix, I thought, “Why not a little quid pro quo?” chuckling gleefully at the idea.

He offered his ass to me, positioning himself on all fours, like an obedient pet waiting for loving strokes from its owner. I licked his balls.

“Oh!” he exclaimed, arching his back at the initial contact. I giggled, then gave him my tongue again,, burying my face fully, lapping playfully.

“Ready?”

“What if I say n---ooohhhhh. Onnnnhhhh. Unnnhhhh.” The Helix sticks out of his ass like a curly tail.

“Does it feel good?” I ask. He only grins. I begin to play with the Helix, twisting it, pushing it deeper into his ass, thrusting slightly and rhythmically. Judging from his moans, I think I found his G-spot. I tease his cock with my tongue, taking his balls into my mouth, stroking his now erect cock.

“Don’t stop,” he says, but I direct him to sitting position and straddle him, taking his cock into my pussy, which is now sopping wet.

“This feels…incredible.” His eyes roll back into his head. I tighten my pussy around his cock, getting wetter once I see the pleasure so evident on his face.

“We can have a contest to see who’d last longer with a dildo up the ass,” I say, grinding my cunt on his cock, meeting his thrusts as they get more frequent and forceful.

“You. Would. Win. Fuuuuuckkk. I’mgonnacomenowfuck.”

I quickly jump off of him, barely catching his cock in my mouth before he erupts, coming so hard he almost bucks into my face. I gobble up what I can and let the rest drizzle down to my tits. I swirl his come all over my nipples, and he opens his eyes momentarily to watch me lick the come off my fingertips. He gives me a satisfied laugh.

“It’s my turn,” I say, smiling and licking my lips. I take out the other box I had hid. Then I get on the bed and offer him my ass this time.

Buy the Aneros Helix from Babeland
Babeland is giving away $1200 worth of sex toys!!

Best Porn Ever

2008-09-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

This may be the best porn I've ever seen:

Originally found on The Slog.

Oh Wiiiiiiiiiii

2008-09-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

If you just go by titles, the Dark Room Sex Game sounds like some BDSM fantasy, but in actuality it is a rather strange, possibly infinitely entertaining new game using Wii controllers. With no graphics, players take turns shaking their remotes to a rhythm with only horny audio cues as their guide. It could be the most fun-sounding game you've ever played. It's available for free download here.

2008-09-23T15:01:00.001-07:00

Well, it's Tuesday, and I have nothing in particular to blog about, sexual or otherwise. I could tell you about the time I lost my virginity, but that would be boring and pathetic. So instead, here's a nice comic:

toothpastefordinner.com

I currently have three cats and two websites. I'm working on the bumper stickers.

Sugasm #147

2008-09-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #148? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Amazing

““You’re lucky I’m not being mean right now.””

Cum Squirt With Me. Confession #131

“Not much research has been done on the female orgasm in general, much less this seemingly new erotic marvel.”

Jealousy, Pornography and the Boundaries of Blogging

“I search to be a sexually free, independent and satisfied woman without the stigma of slut yet with the positive implications of slut.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice

Blue Fantasy, Red Silk Rope

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews

DVD Review: “Hostel Lupus” (Lupus Pictures)

Lady Sascha Reviews the Light-Of-Love T

Sarge Ties Up Charlotte Vale On Hogtied

VibeReview Fantasy: Decadent Indulgence

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

The Enigmatic Angel Finds Out Just HOW Kinky She IS

Fetish Fridays: Interview With A Sissy

How Grey Does Your Garden Grow?

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

We don’t plan to stop

Where Do I Fit In The Picture

Why I hire escorts

Why, Oh Why Do I Like Watching My Wife Get Fucked

You Are Beautiful Tonight

Sex & Humor

Overheard In BDSM

BDSM & Fetish

Bonds of Love

Brutal Bastinado And Intense Sadistic BDSM

Don’t Slam The Door

Exceeding My Expectations

Meeting with BS 4

Mistress or Lusty Bitch?

Public Displays of Discipline

Renewing and Reviewing: Rule 5

Sarge Says: The Vale That Is Thin Enough For Me

Sex and Submission Round 2 Report: Mz Berlin, Mark Davis, And Bondage

She works hard for a living…

Sex Work

Satine Phoenix Is A Sinner? Repent Repent Repent!

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Clips and Clamps

Feather Fan HNT

Half-Nekkid Thursday: Sunny Side Up

Sex Advice

Bend over boyfriend how to make him want anal sex

How To Put On A Condom In The Dark

Man-Handled: What Makes the Perfect Blowjob?

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Being Alone

Catalina loves Fucking Mr. F (In My Mind At Least)

Chasseur

Fuck My Mouth

Horny

The Long Kiss Goodnight

Making out in the air part1

One

What She Forgot - Another Friday Night Bedtime Story

While it rains outside…

It's a Good Cause

2008-09-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

After you've read my Fantasy Friday post for today and sufficiently talked like a pirate, get your ass over to this website to participate in a good cause. Arrrrr. (c'mon, it's Talk Like a Pirate Day. I *have* to.)

Fantasy Friday: Ahoy, Matey!

2008-09-19T00:59:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday, September 19th, and it’s International Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day so, beware landlubbers, today’s Fantasy Friday post will undoubtedly contain gratuitous Pirate Talk. Arrrrrrrrrrrr.

“Ahoy, wench! How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?”

He’s wearing an eye patch and his Halloween costume from last year where he, unsuccessfully, tried to look like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. I can’t help but laugh and be incredibly attracted to him at this moment, because there’s nothing sexier than an unsuccessful pirate.

Playing along, I mutter, “Aye, sir. That’s the finest pirate booty I ever laid me eyes upon.” I catch him in an embrace as I say this, grabbing his ass for good measure.

He looks down upon my cleavage and whispers in my ear, “Wanna fuck me?” I laugh and begin to turn away when he says, “What I meant to say was, ‘Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?’”

“You know what that Pirate Talk does to me, don’t you?” I look him in the eye this time. Quite literally, his one exposed eye, as the other is hidden behind his pirate eyepatch. He winks.

“Hopefully it makes you very horny,” he grins as he says this, starting to bury his face in my cleavage. He looks up and says rather sheepishly, “Arrrrrrrrrrrr.”

There’s nothing that turns me on more than his silly sense of humor and his sheepish grin. And, of course, his eyepatch. I kiss him deeply for giving me the first genuine belly laugh I’ve had all day, and eventually the kiss turns into some heavy petting and fumbling and more laughter, until I’m beginning to undress him out of his pirate get-up and I find myself getting on my knees to find his buried treasure, if you know what I mean.

I unbuckle his belt and find his cock already standing at attention, and now it’s my turn to say, “Arrrr.” I lick his shaft starting at his balls and work my way upward, ending at his thick head where I take the tip of my tongue and swirl it all around, wrapping my lips around it gently and stroking his long shaft with my hand. He moans and places his hand on the back of my head, signaling that he wants more than just my tongue. I open my mouth fully now, swallowing his cock, and he begins to thrust slightly as I begin to work my way up and down rhythmically. My other hand massages his balls, and I think to myself how much I love being his saucy cockwhore wench.

His cock is drenched in my spit now, and my hand pumps faster while I turn my attention towards licking his balls and taking them fully into my mouth. He loves when I do this, and I can tell how turned on he’s getting because he’s thrusting harder now and moaning louder. It’s then that I take my bra off and lie down on the bed. Pushing my tits together, I say huskily, “Titty fuck me, you godless pirate you.”

He enthusiastically agrees, straddling me and placing his cock between my ample breasts, getting harder once he sees how fucking sexy his cock looks between my tits. It only takes a few thrusts before he’s ready to come, and when he does, I take his cock into my mouth and suck down his erupting man juice while he writhes and screams, “Fuuuuuuuucccckkkk! Aaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhh!” Like only a good pirate could.

My Pet Thing

2008-09-17T23:03:00.000-07:00

This is supposed to be a toy for kids...

...methinks it looks like a toy for adults. Like if someone decided to stick that handle up their ass, it'd be one scary motherfuckin appendage. And if it were actually for sale, methinks it wouldn't be long before someone decided to do just that.

It looks like some miniature pig mated with Vin Diesel's head and decided to use a merkin as a toupee.

I'm just sayin.

Scariest Toy Concept Ever: The Epidermits Thing

And Now in Other News...

2008-09-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

Man in Nebraska rubs his ass and groin on windows, leaving greasy imprints.

I know what frottage is, but what would this be classified as? A window fetish? A fetish for displaying your ass and groin on a window? A fetish for leaving your ass-print on a window? Let's coin a new term, shall we? How about fromage?

Never mind, that's French for cheese. It works, though, no?

Heheheh

2008-09-13T15:18:00.001-07:00

It's an iceberg. In the shape of a penis. A cockberg, if you will. Heheheh.

Giant ice penis -- is climate change to blame?

Fantasy Friday: Kiss My Ass

2008-09-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

"I want you to fuck my ass tonight," I said, matter-of-factly. I sipped my red wine and lingered, savoring the finish and looking him squarely in the eye above my wine glass.

He smiled, eyes twinkling. "If that's what you want. I won't argue."

I half expected him to laugh at the shock of my statement, since this was only our fourth date, but his acceptance and lack of surprise told me that I had met my match. I smiled back at him, coyly.

"Good. Because you're not allowed to say a word," I said. "You just sit there and watch until I tell you what to do." He continued to smile, and I could see that he was ready and willing to play this little game with me.

Rising from my chair, I walked over to him, never once releasing my gaze from his spellbound stare. Slowly I began to unbutton my blouse, licking my lips, Music played in the background, and I let my hips sway to the rhythm as I began a slow and sensual striptease for him. He sat in his chair transfixed and silent as I stripped down to my black silk lingerie, revealing my ample cleavage and ass cheeks that were ripe for the fucking. I straddled him, grabbing a hold of his arms and pinning them to the wall while I gyrated in his lap. I could feel his hot breath on my chest as I pulled in closer to him, burying his head in my tits.

"You don't know what you're doing to me," he said huskily.

I clenched his wrists tighter and slammed his upraised arms against the wall.

"No talking!" I commanded. Then, I kissed him forcefully and paused to bite his lower lip with more than a hint of aggression. I forced my tongue into his mouth, invading him, grinding my hips against his, feeling his strong, hard response to my actions.

"You like that, don't you?" I asked, smiling. "Just you wait. You're in for a treat tonight."

With that, I rose and began to undress him, stripping him of his tie and shirt, then his pants, and leaving him with nothing but his socks. I directed him to put his hands behind the chair and used his belt to bind his wrists together. With his tie, I blindfolded him, leaving him to endure the teasing of his senses as I began to work on his erect and straining cock.

My tongue traveled the length of his cock, teasing the head, circling it, and then making its way down to his balls, licking every inch like a thirsty kitten, purring all the while. He had his head back, enjoying each and every sensation, moaning when I finally, hungrily took his entire cock in and out of my mouth.

I took my bra off and pressed my tits together, sandwiching his thick cock in between my tits and massaging his shaft with them. He groaned in pure pleasure. I turned and began rubbing my ass and my pussy against him, grinding it into his lap, letting him feel the silk of my panties begin to get wet with my arousal. His wrists began to struggle against the belt that I had fastened around them, and I could tell it was taking some incredible self-control on his part not to break free and ravish me.

"Wait," I said, "You've got to do one thing before I let you free, my dear."

"I'll do anything you ask," he said.

"Kiss my ass, you fucking bastard." I took his blindfold off, straddled him backwards, and offered my thick, juicy ass to his lips, bending over and forward so that his face was completely overshadowed by my ass.

He buried his face in my ass cheeks, ravaging them with his mouth, moving his head back and forth and jutting his tongue in and out, licking my asshole, making me moan. My pussy got soaking wet as he did this, and it was my turn to feel some loss of control. I backed my ass into his face even more, slowly grinding and thrusting, moaning even louder now. His tongue traveled down to my cunt, and he lapped at it, thrusting his tongue in and out of my pussy, sucking on my lips, tasting all my juices like it was an elixir he needed to survive.

"Oh god, I'm cumming," I yelled, and he probed even further, breathing heavily now, breaking free of the belt that once held his wrists and grabbing me by my hips in time to experience my mind-blowing orgasm right in his face. "Oh fuck," I yelled. "You need to fuck my ass now!"

With that, he grabbed my waist, stood up, and bent me over the table, spreading my ass cheeks and spitting on my asshole, taking his cock in hand and forcefully entering me, causing me to scream in both pain and pleasure. In seconds, I was moaning, feeling the tremendous ecstasy of a thick, hard cock up my ass, and I began to meet his thrusts, both of us grunting like animals in heat. He came quickly and violently, and as he did, it was only a matter of seconds before I came as well, completely and utterly undone by the way he expertly fucked me.

His body fell over on top of mine, and we lay bent over the table, exhausted and satisfied, his hands pinning mine down, smiles across both of our faces.

Is It Just Me...

2008-09-11T15:34:00.000-07:00

...or is this voting ad hot???

For some reason, black tape makes Jessica Alba so much more attractive to me.

How Grey Does Your Garden Grow?

2008-09-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

OK, here's a TMI tidbit: I recently discovered I have not one, not two, but AT LEAST four or five pubic hairs that have gone gray. In my attempts to mask that fact and make myself feel young again, I've become quite obsessed with shaving down there and making sure that I sport the oh-so-trendy, oh-so-sexy, youthful Brazilian wax look at all times.

Now that we've got that out in the open, and I trust that you're sufficiently grossed-out, let's talk about aging. I'm 35. Turning 36 in a few weeks (eek!). A few gray hairs on my head are fine; I've dealt with that since I was in my early 20s, and each time I fish out those scraggly white strands, I either stare in wonderment at this strange product of my otherwise youthful body or I look in the mirror and start to see myself fifty years from now, and suddenly my imagination goes wild. I begin to wonder how deep those thin wrinkles around my eyes are going to get and if and when I'll suddenly stop caring. I imagine how they will undoubtedly multiply over the years, and I picture my mother and grandmother staring back at me, bags under my eyes, glaucoma setting in, and moles aplenty dotting the eroding landscape of my face. And then I wonder if my husband, who I assume will be in the rocking chair next to me (awwww), will still look at me one day and feel lust for my decrepit, wrinkly, old body and if he'll get turned on when I take out my dentures. (He'd call me Gummo.)

It's a weird thing, aging. There is a point in your life when it ceases to be "growing older" and finally becomes the stage called "aging," when instead of thinking that you're getting better with age, you fear the moment when your body suddenly turns sour and people might look at you and feel nothing but pity. Or worse, ignore you altogether.

Slate Magazine recently published a special issue on old people, replete with articles from the senior perspective and tackling issues that will undoubtedly be causes for concern among our aging baby boomer populace. One particular article got me thinking -- entitled "Naughty Nursing Homes: IS IT TIME TO LET THE ELDERLY HAVE MORE SEX?" -- what will sex be like at 70 or 80? Will I still want it, perhaps even more than I do now? Will the nursing home I'm in be one big swinger convention? And the gray pubes -- (sorry, stunning visual alert!) well, will I be shaving my pussy even then? Y'know, cuz it'd be like petting a hairless kitty?

This article was truly eye-opening. There are quite a few oversexed seniors out there, and unfortunately they're being denied the right to have sex, mainly because of liability and the fear of lawsuits on the part of the nursing homes. Some seniors are even being denied the right to conjugal visits from their significant others, which I think is downright appalling. This is obviously an issue that needs more media attention, but I fear that our ageist culture will get too grossed out by the notion of grandma and gramps getting it on in the bingo room.

It's something we have to come to terms with eventually. Just like our graying pubic hairs and deepening wrinkles.

Sex Ed for Dummies

2008-09-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

I can't help myself. I said I wouldn't talk about all this election season shit again, but here I am, and like everyone else in the blogosphere, I've got to put my two cents in and state my opinion as if those of you reading (all two of you) really do care what the fuck I think.

The only good thing to come out of this McCain-Palin love affair is that FINALLY the media is starting to focus on the severely ignored and oft-shortchanged topic of sex education. Admittedly, it's a hotbed issue, challenging middle America's puritanical sensibilities, testing our liberal smugness, and forcing us to realize that the way we deal with sex in America is something short of ignorant, immature, and idiotic. Don't agree? Watch this video about how they deal with sex education in Holland, and you'll quickly concur: The Dutch do it openly, at school, and often...and it seems like that's the way it should be done. (I'm printing that on a bumper sticker, by the way. Only, it will read, "...and they make good cheese.")

Last week, the op-ed piece in the New York Times, entitled "Let's Talk About Sex," points out that,

"We need to take some bold steps beyond the borders of our moralizing and discomfort and create a sex education infrastructure that actually acknowledges reality and protects our children from unwanted pregnancies, or worse."

Amen, brother! Finally, some sense in the world.

What enrages me, more than anything else, is the fact that the McCain-Palin camp is painting the idea of "sex education" as something horrible and degenerate, almost as horrific as the L-word itself. (L as in Liberal) Here's their latest attack ad:

In it, they state that Obama endorsed "comprehensive sex education" to kindergartners. The Huffington Post outlines what the ad says and sets the record straight, outlining Obama's true stance and reporting Obama's response to the attack. Let me point out that the ad, like so many right-wing, backward-thinking policies, appeals to people's ignorance and fear. They ask, "Learning about sex before they learn to read?" (gasp! oh the horror!), as if liberal priorities are askew and amoral. Someone needs to tell the McCain camp that kindergartners often learn to masturbate before they learn to read, too. But that's beside the point.

What is clear, and what we need to have a forthright discussion about, is the fact that the U.S. has the second highest teen birth rate among 46 developed countries, and U.S. teens are less likely to use contraception than their international counterparts, despite the fact that their sexual habits are pretty much the same. More alarming is the fact that cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in the U.S. have all been on the increase in the past few years, putting teens more at risk than ever before.

But, those aren't the things you hear. What you do hear are the same, tired mantras that people who are ignorant of the facts and who choose to live in denial find comfort in hearing: Teens shouldn't have sex, teens should be taught to abstain rather than be safe, sex education is bad. It's the same message my mom gave me when I was young and innocent, when she was trying so hard to keep me young and innocent and was too ashamed and ignorant to tell me otherwise.

It's our ignorance that the conservative politicians in this election are counting on and hoping for. They want to keep us ignorant of the facts and dazzle us with tales of heroism, woo us with images of a wholesome, outdoorsy, small-town girl, and make us long for the days when women wore chastity belts, men were manly men, and life was like a box of chocolates.

Here's hoping that America isn't as dumb as they think.

Sugasm #145

2008-09-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #146? Submit a link to your best post of the weekby emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Being Civil

“They couldn’t understand what the appeal of a civil union was for us.”

Clandestine Rendezvous

“He turned around to kiss me and I melted.”

Hotel Sex

“The excitement is too much for both of us”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice

You Can’t Make This Shit Up, Part 2

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

Let’s Pretend…

Masturbaticon I

Our Peculiar Erotica

“Pay No Attention To That Man Behind The Curtain”

Taking Charge of Your Own Pleasure

Tease and Denial: In Defense of Subtlety

Things that make you go Mmmmmm

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Babygate Continues!

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Fantasy Friday: Lips Like Sugar

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Fantasy Friday: Why Am I All Wet?

2008-09-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

It's nice and sunny here in So Cal...a perfect day for lounging by the pool and soaking up some sun. Today I'm working from home, and since I'm the boss, I can do that kind of thing. Yet, I'm sitting at my desk at home thinking what a shame it is that I'm stuck inside the house on the computer, when I could be enjoying the great outdoors. So I decide to take a little break and lay out by the hot tub, just to get a little color on my cheeks. I've never bothered with a bikini, especially since I'm at home. Nude sunbathing is the best.

I'm sure you know what's "cumming" next. I forgot that my pool guy cleans my pool on Fridays, and he walked through the gate without my noticing. I guess he saw me lying there in all my glory because when I finally opened my eyes, I could tell from the tent in his pants he had seen enough to get him all excited. Poor guy was awestruck though, so I told him not to be shy and come over so I could help him get rid of that bulge in his pants. Judging from how big the bulge was, I knew I was in for a treat.

I knelt before him and unzipped his shorts to reveal what he was hiding in there. It was definitely more than I expected, because I gasped when I saw the enormous cock that stood at attention before me. I immediately grabbed it and stroked it, smiling up at him, telling him what a shame it was that I didn't work from home more often. Putting his cock in my mouth, I licked his shaft up and down, cupping his balls, massaging them, and softly scratching them with my long manicured nails. He began to thrust softly while I sucked, and I could feel the head of his cock gently tapping the back of my throat. Feeling bold, I took all of his cock down my throat, gagging on it, and feeling myself getting wetter each time I swallowed his cock and felt my lips graze his ball sac. I closed my eyes and pictured what it would look like when the cum ran down my lips, down my neck, and how it would feel when I rubbed that sticky cum on my tits. He was getting closer to cumming, and I could feel my pussy clenching at the thought of it. Before I knew it, he said, "Take my cum down your throat." I responded by sucking harder, milking his cock for that sweet cum. He shot that load right to the back of my throat, and I moaned in pleasure, refusing to swallow it so that I could give him the pleasure of watching it run down my chin. The feeling of it on my lips, flowing out of my mouth and down my neck, was pure ecstasy. I could feel myself reaching orgasm as I rubbed it all over my tits, pinching my nipples and fondling them while I reached down to finish myself off. He stood there, watching me rub my clit, the cum sticking to my face and my breasts, glistening in the sun. I came hard, all the while licking the cum off my lips. It was definitely one of the best orgasms I've had in a long time. Free deepthroat video here...

Perfectly Abnormal

2008-09-03T23:16:00.001-07:00

A woman in Maine has stolen a sex-ed book from a local library and refused to give it back, stating that she'd rather go to jail than allow the "sexually graphic, amoral abnormal contents" back in the library. Here's the book in question:

Looks innocent enough, right? Well, I'm not sure what to think. If you look it up on Amazon, there are mixed reviews. Child experts give it dazzling reviews, recommending it to every parent and child. Customer reviews, on the other hand, range from outstanding praise to outright attacks, calling it "borderline child porn," with one reader saying that she was "sexually abused because of books like this." Oh my.

Far be it from me to judge a book based solely on its cover (sorry), but I get the feeling that people are outraged by this book simply because it deals with (gasp!) SEX. And, it has illustrations. Even the stodgiest textbooks have diagrams. This is a kids' book; of course it'll have illustrations. Granted, I haven't seen them, and I can't defend a book I haven't seen for myself but, still, wouldn't a perfectly normal child benefit from a perfectly normal discussion about sex in a book that might answer all those questions he or she finds too embarrassing to ask an adult?

OK, enough of all this talk about sex ed. I assume you probably share my views or you wouldn't be reading this fucking blog in the first place, so I'm just preaching to the choir. Which, by the way, what does that phrase mean anyhow? Preaching to the choir? Like the choir don't need no preaching? Isn't that why they go to church in the first place? Alright. I'm done. No more posts on this subject. I promise.

So Much for Family Values

2008-09-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

Regardless of what side of the political fence you happen to stand on, one thing is clear: There's nothing like Sex to get all hosts of people talking about you and your campaign. The Scandal! The Hypocrisy! The Sex! The Excuses! The Spin! The Sex!

As we all know, sex has been the downfall of many a politician, whether he solicited the services of a high-price call girl, or had a wide stance, or simply exchanged emails and IMs with an underage page. And that's just in the last few years, people. I could go on and on about the scandals that have dotted - nay, smeared, - the political landscape for decades, in all their strange, fetid forms, the entire world over.

The latest political sex scandal to hit the Internets is that of John McCain's VP pick, Sarah Palin and her 17-year-old daughter, who is unwed, underage, and 5 months pregnant. This, of course, is not the scandal. It is that the daughter of a conservative Republican who opposes sex education where contraception is taught and who favors abstinence-only education, is now in the national spotlight showing the world that teaching abstinence-only just doesn't cut it in getting teenagers to abstain. Teenagers will have sex. Even teenagers who grew up in conservative households. ESPECIALLY teenagers who grew up in conservative households. When will conservatives figure this out?

What I find incredibly ironic is that this particular "sex scandal" has more to do with the issues at hand than any other sex scandal that has plagued a campaign in recent history. Sure, all those politicians who try to cover up their propensities for gay trysts and illicit sexcapades should be chastised for hiding behind ultra-conservative, right-wing dogmas. They are obviously in severe denial and suffering from years and years of sexual repression and pent-up sexual frustration. This is different. This is a case where a politician's beliefs and values are challenged by the very reason she upholds those beliefs and values -- her family, and when there is evidence to support the case for a reevaluation and reexamination of her platform, it is quickly dismissed. Pundits and spin doctors alike chalk it up to the fact that the candidate is indeed "human" and that a mother shouldn't be held responsible for a 17-year-old daughter's faults. Bullshit. Your "family values" are now being put to the test, and all you can do is shrug your shoulders and say "values shmalues, leave us alone" ??? This is hypocrisy at its height.

Enough of me on my soapbox. I just hope this woman isn't elected. Otherwise, we'll have four more years of rose-colored glasses, convenient amnesia, and a government that refuses to see how silly their puritanical policies are.

For an entertaining AND educational podcast on sex, go to The Midwest Teen Sex Show or get your sex questions answered at Scarleteen.com.

Fantasy Friday: Lips Like Sugar

2008-08-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

They say almost half of all women experience a "wet dream" at least once in their adult lives, but I've been lucky enough to experience them quite often. Of course, I don't wake up having ejaculated all over myself as men do, but rather I notice the telltale signs -- usually my pussy is dripping wet, and my lips down there feel engorged and full, like I've just been given the best orgasm of my life. I wake up and instantly start playing with myself, feeling the delicious moisture between my legs, even going so far as to taste myself on my fingers as I try to summon up the dreams that brought on such a carnal reaction in me.

This morning was one such occasion. I woke feeling almost a remnant shudder of an orgasm, desiring strongly to fondle myself and to soak my fingers in the erotic juices that my dreams had caused to flow. I closed my eyes and reached down to rub my wet clit, feeling the engorgement and wanting so desperately to feel that tension and release of an orgasm over and over again. I closed my eyes and replayed the dream, writhing slowly to the scenes in my head....

Liz and I had somehow ended up in the bedroom after having a candid and revealing discussion about our sex lives, with me basically blurting out how sexually frustrated I was and how I'd give anything to have someone lick my pussy and make me cum. Liz, being the good friend that she is and a nympho to boot, suggested that I let her do the honors.

"Have you ever had a girl go down on you?" she asked.

"No, but I'm not opposed to it," I replied, looking her in the eye with a mischievous smile, unaware at the time that she was volunteering her services.

Fast forward to the good stuff, where I find myself sitting on the bed with her as she takes my top off, licking her lips in anticipation and straddling my body as she tells me to lie back and let her do all the work. Before I know it, she's flicking her tongue on my erect nipples, causing me to moan, and I involuntarily start rocking my hips up and down as she rubs her body all over mine.

Liz is on top of me, pinching my hard nipples between her fingers and slowly making her way down to my pussy, kissing every inch of me and leaving a trail of saliva right down to my clit. She hovers over my pussy, calling my name and holding my gaze as she inhales my scent.

"God, you smell so good," she says, and I can sense her hunger and intense lust for me, right then and there.

With that, she envelops my clit with her mouth, sucking and licking, flicking her tongue over it until I can't take it anymore. I'm writhing almost uncontrollably now, and at the moment when I feel like I'm going to scream, she takes two fingers, puts them in her mouth, gets them nice and wet, and inserts them deftly into my pussy, all the while worshipping my clit with her tongue. Her fingers fuck me gently at first and then harder as her tongue flicking on my clit gets faster. She's licking and kissing and lapping at my pussy so expertly, I almost want to scream her name over and over again, holding her head in my hands, grateful for these erotic sensations I've missed over these past few months. I can feel the tension rising in me, and I know she senses that I'm going to cum soon, so she holds back slightly, quickly changing positions so that now she's 69ing me, and her glorious pussy is backing on to my face and she says, "Now it's your turn."

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but she has my arms pinned with her legs and she's still working on my clit with her tongue, so there's nothing I can do but lap up her pussy juice and run my tongue all over her soaking, wet pussy. Her pussy lips are the softest things I've ever encountered, and even though I'm not used to the taste, I bury my face into her, losing myself in the sensations I'm feeling all over my body, from head to toe.

"I'm going to cum," I moan...

I play this scene in my head, rubbing myself to orgasm, relishing the fact that I can have such vivid sex dreams. I'm cumming forcefully now as I remember the scene in my fantasy, lying on my bed, feeling the waves washing over me.

Latina Girl on Girl free video clips here.

The Kink Next Door

2008-08-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

Happiness is...kinky sex.

So it turns out that two percent of all Australians regularly participate in BDSM, or what some may term "kinky" sex. Shocker alert: those two percent are actually NORMAL, WELL-ADJUSTED human beings! Oh my god, I could have told you that, and I don't even have a degree in psychology nor did I conduct a survey, nor did I do any research. Wanna know how I know? C'mon, ask me. I BROWSE THE INTERNET. I'VE PATRONIZED SEX STORES. I WATCH TV. I'm a normal, well-adjusted member of society, and in the limited contact I've had with other sexually progressive individuals, never have I said to myself, "Jeez, no wonder that nutcase is into kinky sex." Seriously, if the Interweb is any micro/macrocosm of the world today, then we live in a multi-faceted, complex world (or series of tubes) where kink and fetish is just one way we can release our inhibitions, embrace our sexual selves, and indulge our fantasies however intense, painful, or twisted they may be. When you think about it, BDSM and fetishism aren't necessarily "kinky", but rather a natural outgrowth of an ever-evolving sexual landscape. Normal, well-adjusted people exercise their sexuality rather than suppress it, so it seems logical that as your sexuality grows and expands (ahem), then so do your taste and preferences, the "fringe" becomes the norm.

Now before I get too carried away here and write a whole frickin' essay on the topic, let me just provide a case in point: Porn Producers. Ask anyone in the porn industry, Porn Producers and the people who make porn are incredibly normal (boring, even) and lead average, well-adjusted lives. Porn stars don't count, cuz they're, well, they're ACTORS. But the people behind the scenes are completely and utterly so non-kinky it's not even funny. Ask yourself why there hasn't been a good reality show about the people who make porn. They're not what you'd call "good TV." Boring, non-drama, NORMAL. Now you make the connection here between the point I made in the first paragraph and this one because, frankly, my head hurts now and I think I just summoned more brain power in the last 10 minutes than I have in an entire year.

If you wanna read a good article on the subject, one that's a whole helluva lot more eloquent than my response to the issue, then go to Savage Love and read this week's column. In the meantime, Viva La Kink! Viva La Fetish! Now put that ball gag back in your mouth and get on all fours before I spank you.

This Has Nothing To Do with Sex, but Oh Well.

2008-08-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

Here's something I don't quite get: Nude bicycling. Even more perplexing: Nude people on bicycles trying to prove a point -- one that, oddly enough, has nothing to do with nudity or bicycles. I mean, I get the whole idea of people getting on their bikes and converging to form a massive brigade dedicated to a certain aim. Why walk when you can bike, right? And I also understand the idea behind shedding your garments to draw attention to your specific cause. Why wear a slogan emblazoned T-shirt when you can flash your boobs AND spray paint your slogan on your ass at the same time, right? But who thought getting naked and riding a bike was a good idea? Obviously someone who's never heard of chafing.

Take the World Naked Bike Ride, for example. Even they admit on their website that it's "the craziest, wildest, most insane event of the year." I know, right? Only crazy people would straddle a hard, vinyl-covered bicycle seat with nothing but sweat between it and their delicate genitalia. The Naked Bicyclists state, "We face automobile traffic with our naked bodies as the best way of defending our dignity..." Um, I think your dignity went out the window the minute you donned a stuffed coyote bicycle helmet and painted racing stripes up and down your naked body...AND THEN, decided to ride a bike naked. (See aforementioned WNBR website for proof of this fashion faux pas.)

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what they're trying to do. Heaven forbid if I should fault them for trying to make a difference in this fucked up world and challenging society's taboos to boot. For me, though, I think I'll protest in a way that's just a little less, I dunno, painful, maybe? Like riding tandem on a recumbent bicycle while someone else pedals and I sit with my bullhorn yelling, "Eat more cock, less meat!"

And that, my friends, is just how strangely my mind works on this lazy Monday afternoon.

Farewell, Beijing.

2008-08-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I'm imagining that somewhere in Beijing's Olympic City quite a few athletes are groggily rolling out of bed or managing to scrape themselves off the floor, and nursing their hangovers after a night of decadence and debauchery. Yesterday's article in The Times Online on Sex and the Olympic City got me fantasizing about all those scantily clad Olympians and their hot bodies writhing against each other in what I imagine to be an Olympic Orgy, full of gold-medal blow jobs and relay races involving free condoms, teabagging, and kung pao chicken. Thinking about it makes me want to take up some obscure event like trampoline gymnastics and try for the 2012 games just so I could wear a hidden camera and catch "Olympians Gone Wild" on video. Hell, if I could have sex with a trampoline gymnast, then it would all be worth it. Or sex with a gymnast on a trampoline. Or even sex with an Olympic gymnast. Or just a gymnast. Not even an Olympian. I'll take what I can get. How bout just sex on a trampoline? Anyone?

Fantasy Friday: Is It Cold in Here?

2008-08-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

Continuing with the theme from my previous post, this week's Fantasy Friday story causes the temperature to rise, but my nipples are getting hard like it's thirty below. Funny how that happens. Thanks to our friends at cumluscious.com for the sexy story!

Do you ever have one of those days where everything in the world seems to turn you on? It could be the modest way a co-worker adjusts her skirt, the slightest brush of the hands when the Starbucks clerk gives you change, or something as simple as a toss of the hair or a licking of the lips after a bite of food. There was one particular day last week when I just knew I was in for trouble. I woke up with a huge erection, after having a sexy dream that I wish lasted forever. Alas, my alarm clock woke me from my reverie, and I savored the dream, replaying it in my head, stroking my throbbing cock just so I could release all the pent-up frustrations that built up overnight.

I strode into work that morning, feeling the familiar twinge that comes with constantly being on the brink of excitement. I tried not to pay attention to the hot woman on the elevator, wearing the six-inch heels and a skirt that revealed legs that made me want to get on my knees and lick them. When my secretary greeted me that morning, it took all my strength and composure to pretend I was checking email on my Blackberry, when all I wanted to do was survey her from head to toe, and lick my lips in the process. If you haven't guessed already, I have quite a thing for Chrissy, and I've sensed on more than one occasion a reciprocal lust that we both try to ignore and hide. Read more...

Your Headlights are On

2008-08-19T22:00:00.000-07:00

This might be Too Much Information, and I know I run the risk of getting attention from all those fetishists for large nipples when I say this, but my nipples are huge. How huge are they, you ask? Well, you know those fembots from the Austin Powers movies? Y'know, the evil robots whose boobs were actually machine guns and whose nipples were actually shotgun barrels? Well, like that, only TEN TIMES BIGGER. If my nipples were detachable, my nursing 6-month-old would be choking on nipple pellets the size of gumballs when she eats. Put it this way, "nipple play" has taken on a whole new meaning for my husband and me. It is now an Olympic event.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the large nipples. I've always wanted larger nipples and, of course, my husband (ahem) enjoys them. It's just that, if this were winter and 30 degrees colder than it is now, I could double as a coat rack and hang purses and shit from my mammary protrusions. I think it has to do with pumping. As in pumping breastmilk. That god-forsaken contraption called the breast pump has quite the suction, and by the time I'm done, woooo-hooo! Watch out world! Watch out anyone in my direct path! Watch out people with two functioning eyeballs! It's rather scary, if you ask me.

I always fantasized that larger nipples would signal the beginning of a whole new arena of sex play for my husband and me. (Imagine cupless bras, nipple clamps and, I dunno, lots of tit-fucking, maybe?) Unfortunately, the only reason I have these larger nipples is because of The Child, who we've subsequently nicknamed "The Coitus Interrupter." I secretly think she realizes how she got here in the first place and has vowed to never let mommy and daddy do that ever again.

So, I have unusually large nipples, virtually no opportunity to enjoy them (save for the few occasions where I sit and stare in amazement), and a sex life that is overshadowed by the wonderful world of Parenthood. Perhaps I should just take photos of The Nipples and sell them on the Internet. There's a market there, right? The Child (or C.I., as I call her) will never have to know how I funded her college education. If I can't enjoy them, someone should. Right?

Happy Hump Day, everybody!

Boozy John and the Thieving Whore

2008-08-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

If I were smart enough and had more creativity than the ounce that I struggle to keep now, I would create a mildly successful and wildly entertaining screenplay based on the Adventures of Boozy John. Who's Boozy John you ask? Well, I'll tell you. He's the 38-year-old guy who woke up one morning and told himself that he needed to change his loser status. He rolled out of his futon, yelled at his mom to leave him alone, and looked in the mirror and said, "John, enough of this life of Taco Bell every night and bootleg porn to while away the lonely hours before dawn. You've got to make a change." So, in a moment of spontaneity, he decides to get a $62,000 cash advance on his credit cards and, intending to spend the cash fairly quickly, stuffs all of it into a duffle bag. Then, cash in tow, Boozy John gets on his bike (yes, his BIKE) and rides to the local bar, indulging in numerous glasses of cognac (because, y'know, he's rich now, and HE'S CLASSY). Unfortunately, John fails to realize how intoxicating 12 glasses of cognac can be, and drunk off the power of 62,000 crisp one-dollar bills in his bag and the hard liquor now marinating his liver, Boozy John decides to get a hooker. Not just any hooker, mind you. He had to find one that was willing to hop on the handlebars of a ten-speed operated by a drunk, middle-aged bicyclist reeking of cognac and Taco Bell. (Believe it or not, a hooker like that isn't hard to find. Trust me, don't ask me how I know.) Enter Jessica Garcia, a 30-year-old streetwalker who was willing to duck into an abandoned building and give Boozy John a $30 blow job. After one whiff of his stale breath, Jessica senses an opportunity, especially after Boozy John boasts of his ability to cum in 2 seconds and slurs in her ear that he had $62,000 in cash in his duffle bag. Before you know it, dear readers, John is out cold, fly unzipped, cum stains on his corduroys, bike stolen, and the duffle bag nowhere to be found.

I wish I could say this were my story, but (as they say) truth is stranger than fiction. Don't believe me? Here's the article: Cops: Hooker swipes $62G from boozy john. My only question is, couldn't he have splurged on a cab or, I dunno, a savings account? I can only hope that he got a good blow job at least. Perhaps he and the would-be porn inspector should get together and write their own screenplay based on their lives. It would be the first porno based on a true story.

Happy International Swingers Da...huh? That was yesterday?

2008-08-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Apparently, someone forgot to give me the memo. Yesterday was International Swingers Day. Which means you are required, by law, to find an international swinger and fuck the hell out of him/her. Too bad I missed the actual day of celebration. That and the fact that I don't know any International Swingers. I just keep picturing some extremely tan, swaggering Frenchman wearing a cowboy hat and clogs and braids in his chest hair. Why? I dunno. My mind does strange things sometimes.

Anyhoo, hopefully swingers around the world found other swingers around the world to play with. There seem to have been parties all around the country (the International Swingers Day website list parties concentrated mostly on the East Coast and in the South...there's one in Dallas, Texas, that is "Celebrating Margie's Years of Service". I'm afraid to ask.

Fantasy Friday: CFNM Fun

2008-08-15T17:09:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like a good CFNM Fantasy. In case you're wondering, CFNM stands for Clothed Female, Naked Male, and for those naughty women who like being in the position of control, and for those naughty men who like to bend over and take it, CFNM truly fulfills those wild fantasies.

Today's fantasy involves this not-so-far-fetched scenario: Three hookers encounter a customer who's full-on cute and horny as hell, but flat broke. What's a hooker with a heart of gold to do? Why, jack him off fully clothed, of course. And while she's at it, why doesn't she just enlist the help of her two bored hooker friends too? They're more than willing to tease and titillate the poor, sex-deprived john. I could go on and sarcastically spin this CFNM tale, but you'd much rather watch it wouldn't you? Click here.

Ode to Park Bench

2008-08-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Ode to Park Bench

Your planks are like the rafts of my imagination
Your legs sturdy yet sublime
Your chipped paint, the memories of infatuation
Your holes, so luscious and divine

I want to fuck you, Park Bench
There is no other way to say it
I want to cum all over your
Pigeon shit-splattered wood
I want to fuck you, Park Bench
I'm weird, I can't deny it
But, god, you make me feel so good

Man who had sex with park bench cut free

That's One Way to Get Free Porn

2008-08-12T11:31:00.000-07:00

At least you could say this guy was resourceful. He had a fake police badge in his toy chest, a flair for the dramatic, and a hardcore addiction to porn. The leather brace on his left arm should've been a tip-off, people. That and his ponytail. And the fact that he was driving a red Dodge neon. What self-respecting officer would drive a Dodge neon? I can only imagine that the leather brace on his wrist was his attempt at trying to look cool while at the same time providing some sort of therapeutic relief to his overworked left hand. Resourceful AND prudent. I so wanna meet this guy.

Man claimed he was detective to obtain porn

Thongs and Cottage Cheese. Don't Ask.

2008-08-10T10:57:00.000-07:00

There's nothing that screams purity more than THONG UNDERWEAR. From the geniuses on the far right of the political bell curve come a product that all those pre-pubescent, confused, and sexually awkward American teens can wear with pride and subsequently get labeled with the reputation of "cock tease" for the rest of their high school career. Yes, people, that's right. Abstinence thong. A product marketed specifically to all those girls who have ass sex in order to "save themselves" for their wedding night. The company that makes these doesn't call it underwear, it's an "under-goodie." As in, goodie-goodie? As in, "Oh, goodie! I get to read the words, 'I Abstain' on this chick's panties instead of licking her clit!"??? Like, what the hell does "under-goodie" mean anyway?

The only way a thong can promote abstinence is if it's worn by some 300-pound dominatrix with cottage-cheese labia and the propensity to drool at the sight of salami. Ha! I just made myself laugh. Cottage-cheese labia.

Blame It On the Child

2008-08-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers (Yes, All Two of You. I see you hiding back there.),

It's amazing how quickly time flies. I looked at the date of my last posting, and hard to believe, it's been over a year. I registered the domain name "pinkartichoke.com" back then, failed to renew the registration, and alas, it has now been snatched up by someone with an affection for the actual vegetable. So, we're stuck here in Blogspot Land, with a less-than-exclusive domain name, and a year's worth of sex-related high-jinks and foibles to make fun of, and a whole lotta explaining to do.

Well, first off, there's the issue of daily postings. Daily postings are nice, in theory. I told myself I'd keep up on this blogging stuff and post everyday, think of funny things to say quickly and without hesitation, generate a loyal following of readers, and create enough traffic to support myself and my husband for the rest of our lives. Easy shmeasy, right? Of course, I didn't take into account my own undeniable and ever-present laziness, nor did I factor in the true and unspoken and unwritten law that when you're not getting paid to work, the work somehow suffers.

Secondly, within this space of a year that this blog has remained untouched (and unread, for that matter), I got sperminated, knocked up, and gave birth to a lovely, bouncing, baby girl. You'd think that in the nine months that I was preggers, I'd have some desire to plop my overweight and overburdened body down and think up some funny shit, but noooooo. Life happened, and I had no desire to keep up with it AND keep up with a blog, too.

Anyway, that's all I want to say about all that. Let's move on to the future, shall we?

I have a child now, and one of the things I want to teach her is perseverance. Eventually, I'll teach her about sex, and hopefully she'll have inherited some of my and my husband's twisted senses of humor, but for right now, I'll teach her perseverance
and show her that Mommy can take care of her all day long, keep up with life, AND keep up with a blog, too.

So, here I am. I'll be posting on a semi-quasi-regular basis now. Fantasy Fridays might not be every Friday, but they'll be there. Sex and laughter shall ensue. As it always does on a regular Saturday night in my house. (OK, maybe on every 3rd Saturday of the month, if I'm lucky.)

If Only My Foot Had a Vagina

2007-06-04T21:25:00.001-07:00

JT's Stockroom - SiFeet Pussy Foot
Ah, the wonders of technology. Now, not only are you able to buy silicone feet to jack off to, but the feet come with a built-in vagina. Who would ever want to fuck real feet again?

Technorati Tags: foot fetish, pussy foot

A Different Way to Toss Your Salad

2007-05-24T20:18:00.001-07:00

Salad dressing semen spawns trouble - Yahoo! News

Kids do the darndest things. An Illinois youth decided to play a fun-loving prank on the whole school by ejaculating into a bottle of ranch dressing in the high school cafeteria. The judge who sentenced him said the prank was "beyond stupid." The youth's friends, all two of them, said the look on the cafeteria lady's face was "priceless."

Comic courtesy of TOOTHPASTEFORDINNER.COM

But, Officer, I'm a PORN STAR.

2007-05-23T18:58:00.000-07:00

Article about the Porn Star's liaison with a complicit highway patrol officer and excerpts from her blog detailing the events...

Technorati Tags:porn star, barbie cummings, dirty cop

Double Trouble

2007-05-23T17:06:00.001-07:00

ABC News: Identical Twins Caught in Paternity Flap

In my opinion, this woman who is suing twin brothers for paternity, should've known that "dating" twin brothers was a recipe for disaster. I mean, didn't she ever watch any episode on TV that involved guest appearances by twins? Whole sitcoms have been built around twins, because there's such drama and angst inherent in twin sibling pairings. This woman should've known. I have no sympathy for her because, frankly, I think she's rather dumb. Proof #1 -- She had sex with one of the twins AFTER A RODEO. She got drunk, attended a rodeo, and banged on the twin's door asking for sex. I guess the twin wasn't that good because a few hours later, she goes to see the other twin and has sex with him. Proof #2 -- She obviously did not use protection in either instance. But my real beef is with the twins. Neither of them both want to end up paying child support, and since their DNA is identical, paternity can't really be determined. All this courtroom drama has caused a rift between them, caused anguish for their poor mother, and made a little 3-year-old girl realize what assholes her daddy and uncle really are.

Technorati Tags: evil twins, paternity

Fantasy Friday: Manwich, Part Three or The Old Switcheroo

2007-05-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

Read Manwich, Part One
Read Manwich, Part Two

"Thwack!" Lucy squealed in delight just as the green strap made contact with her luscious ass. Immediately, it produced a red mark that would make any domme proud. "Thwack!" In between thrusts, Rob was bringing the green strap down with a minimal amount of force, but the marks it left told otherwise. You could tell Rob was enjoying being the aggressor and Lucy was loving every second of being the submissive. Since Lucy was positioned on her hands and knees as Rob fucked her doggy style, I went around to face her and kiss her in between the beatings with the green strap. She smiled at me, and I asked, "You like that, baby? You like being used like that, don't you?" She smiled again and nodded, then closed her eyes just as the green strap made contact with her ass again.

Sensing Lucy's enjoyment of being the sub, I immediately assumed the role of the domme, ordering her forcefully to lick my cunt while she got fucked from behind. I laid on the bed, spreading my legs wide and staring straight at Rob as he met each of my moans with a thrust. For a novice, Lucy was pretty good at eating pussy, and she managed to expertly finger me while flicking at my clit with her tongue. I fondled my hard, erect nipples as she did this, enjoying how erotic this moment made me feel. I made Lucy look me straight in the eye and I told her, "Now go lick all your pussy juice off of Rob's thick cock."

She immediately did as she was told. I grabbed the green strap from Rob and began striking the back of Lucy's legs with it, pausing only to kiss and lick the marks it left, and then resuming with more force than before. I interchanged this with small little nibbles and bites at her back and shoulders, guiding the back of her head down the length of Rob's cock. After a sufficient amount of time, I ordered Lucy to lie on the bed and spread her legs wide like a good little whore. I handed the green strap to Rob and said, "Now it's my turn to be the sub."

I dove my head in between Lucy's legs, invading her pussy with my tongue and positioning my ass in the air so Rob could now use the green strap on me. With each strike, I smarted back much like Lucy had, and I felt my pussy getting wetter each time. After about three or four lashes with the strap, Rob dove down and began licking my pussy, inhaling my scent and working his tongue in and out and all over so beautifully I felt like I was going to cum instantly.

I stopped licking Lucy's pussy long enough to plead, "Oh, please fuck me. Fuck me."
Rob obliged and slowly entered my waiting cunt, almost teasing me at first and then proceeding to thrust harder and faster. Lucy was on the verge of cumming, I could tell, so I put two fingers in her pussy and began working her cunt and her clit simultaneously so she could reach orgasm. Her back was arched and her chin was thrust up in the air now, and she said breathlessly, "Oh god, I'm cumming, I'm cumming." She moaned and bucked, loudly yelling now, "Oh fuck, Oh fuck."

Rob was fucking me furiously now as well, and it was all I could do to stop myself from cumming as well. I could tell that Rob was holding back as well, trying to extend this before he blew his load prematurely. As Lucy started cumming back down from her climax, I turned around, faced Rob and said, "Now it's your turn to get worked on, baby."

TO BE CONTINUED...

No, Grandpa, a Nudie Camp is NOT My Idea of Fun

2007-05-17T17:56:00.001-07:00

Nudists Try to Attract Younger Following | The Huffington Post

Oh those crazy nudists. They're at it again. Trying to get more people to accept their lifestyle and say, "I'm Here. I'm Naked. And I'm Proud." Apparently nudist camps are starting to look more like New Horizons Assisted Living Facility hopped up on Ecstasy than the hotbed of young, taut, nubile bodies that they really want to attract. So, their solution is to offer discounts to college students and have a mentoring program where young nudists, you know, persuade other young people to be, well, nude. Because, of course, if it were some old guy in a yellow cap and nothing else on, it would be kinda creepy.

The problem with their plan is that their senior marketing managers probably have not set foot into a nightclub or bar recently. One look at all the exposed flesh in one of those places, and you'd think you were at a nude beach. Plus there are more people their age there. It wouldn't be like you were stuck at the bar talking to grandpa and wishing you could trim his ear hair. They already have a place to frolic and prance around in the nude: Burning Man. And Daddy McNudist wouldn't be knocking on their tents at night tellin' em to quit smoking that damn marijuana.

Technorati Tags: nudists, nude recreation, burning man

Hump Day Lady Lumps

2007-05-16T18:04:00.001-07:00

FresnoBee.com: Local: Crowning moment

"John-ny! John-ny! John-ny!" That's what Fresno's Roosevelt High School prom attendees started chanting when the prom queen was named on Saturday. They wanted a prom queen, they got a prom Queen. I must say, Johnny Vera looks pretty darn good as a woman. Like she could give Paris Hilton a run for her money. And, according to the article, the title was well-deserved because of Johnny's winning attitude and an Oprah-esque positivity that would probably make all the goth kids stand around in a coven circle and puke. She's the first and only transgendered prom queen in America. Unfortunately, the lesbian at Fresno High School who ran for prom king didn't get the win there. Maybe that's because the ones who vote for the prom king and queen are usually the cheerleading and yearbook staff girls who are fine with guys who look hotter than them, but when it comes to bull dykes, they have no mercy. All this begs the question...what's with the high schoolers in Fresno?? Is Fresno really the bastion of social change and acceptance that big cities like San Francisco and Seattle have to contend with now? Fresno?? Really??

Technorati Tags: transsexual, transgender

An Interesting Twist on an Old Story

2007-05-15T17:16:00.001-07:00

Local News | Jury acquits Spanaway man of bestiality charge | Seattle Times Newspaper

Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think I'm creative enough to come up with such an interesting way to tell your husband you want to call it quits. Call me crazy, but there are more civil ways to do it than calling up the police and telling them you caught him fucking the family dog. More civil, but not as interesting. The wife must have wanted to get back at her husband in a bad way causing her to think up such a thing. He was the first person in Washington state to be tried for a new law making bestiality a felony. Poor pit bull, caught in the middle of all this mess.

Technorati Tags: bestiality

I. C. U. P.

2007-05-14T21:53:00.001-07:00

Police: Man had bathroom cameras

As I've said before, there's a fetish for everything. I've blogged about a guy who has a fetish for cars, specifically Knight Rider's KITT car. And then there was the fetish for Japanese schoolgirls who fart in one's face. And now...this. Apparently, some guy in Maine got off on videotaping his family while in the bathroom. 24 hours a day. Without their knowledge. And, if you read the article, the way he was busted is even more strange. Some random motorist with a wireless video monitor in his vehicle caught the live broadcast of someone using the toilet. Now, why would anyone have a wireless video monitor in their car? Maybe there's a fetish for that, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that -- provided that no one gets hurt in the process.

Technorati Tags: bathroom camera, fetish, sex crimes

Fantasy Friday..er..Saturday. Manwich, Part Two.

2007-05-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

Read Manwich, Part One.

I looked through the peekhole to make sure it was Rob. His trademark sexy shaved head was right there, and the smile on his face told me that he knew I was peeking out at him. I opened the door widely, wearing absolutely nothing, and his face lit up.

Eyebrows raised, he said, "I guess I'm late. Started the party without me?" He walked towards me, and I leaned in, grabbed him by his waist, and began to unbutton his jeans. Smiling, he started kissing me as I led him towards the bed. He saw Lucy naked on the bed, and said, "Well, hello..."

"Oh sorry," I said, "Rob, this is Lucy...Lucy, this is..." Lucy had brought herself to the edge of the bed, and as Rob held his hand out to shake hers, she went straight for the unbuttoned jeans I had started on and began to unzip them, getting ready to take Rob's cock into her mouth. Rob was already hard by this time, and Lucy grabbed his erect shaft in her hand and wrapped her lips around the head, swirling her tongue up and around it, causing Rob to let out a little moan.

"That's a great introduction," he said, looking at me. As Lucy was busy working on his cock, I began to undress him, taking his shirt off and admiring his muscular physique. I brought his jeans down to the floor, stopping only to squeeze his ass and make him spread his legs a bit so that I could get easier access to those luscious balls of his.

Lucy was working his cock pretty well as far as I could tell. Rob had his eyes closed and his head back, thoroughly enjoying himself. I got on my knees and began to lick his balls, causing further moaning from Rob. His excitement was hard to deny, and Lucy's enthusiasm in sucking his cock was evident. Having tasted her pussy a bit before, I wanted to have more. So while Lucy was working Rob's cock, I went behind her and started licking her pussy, fingering her and thrusting my tongue in and out of her cunt. She came quickly, bathing my face in her pussy juice and trembling slightly from the orgasm that wracked her body. My lips covered in Lucy's cum, I went straight up to Rob and made him lick it up, kissing him and letting him taste the sweetness of Lucy's pussy.

"Did you bring the green strap?" I whispered in Rob's ear.

"You know I don't leave home without it," he said, motioning towards the bag of goodies he had brought with him. Fresh from her orgasm, Rob decided to help Lucy cum again and started fucking her doggy style, watching her juicy ass back up into him and feeling her pussy just grip his cock and ride it up and down. She backed up forcefully on his cock, and Rob could tell that she wanted to be fucked harder. He slapped her ass lightly at first, and after she squealed in delight, he smacked harder the second time. Lucy loved that spanking, and her pussy tightened and clenched on his cock each time he spanked her ass.

I handed Rob the infamous green strap, and he held it in his right hand, ready to paddle Lucy's ass with it...

TO BE CONTINUED.

Technorati Tags:fantasy friday, erotica, female erogenous zones, lesbians, threesomes

Fantasy Friday - Gonna Make Me a Man Sandwich. A Manwich, if you will.

2007-05-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

This story is dedicated to the ThROBster. You know who you are.

While most girls would like an MFM threesome, I actually want an FMF threesome. For those of you not up on the "lingo," that's code for Female-Male-Female. What could be better than that? The best of both worlds...

My hot asian friend, Lucy, who I've always had a thing for, tells me the other day that she wants to share a guy with me.

"Are you serious?" I ask, stunned...and excited.

"Yes, I'm dead serious," she says, looking down. "I've thought about it for a while now...you're my very best friend, and I know there wouldn't be any jealousy or shit like that. I know you're naughty, Lisa." She smiles, looking at me this time.

Aware that there was so much more than that statement in her smile, I smile back, holding her gaze. "Well, yes, I've been known to get a little out of hand."

I tell her that there's a guy that I fuck occasionally who has been talking non-stop about having two girls. "Wouldn't it be great if we could fulfill that little fantasy for him?" I ask.

"Yes!" she says excitedly. "Seriously, Lisa, I really want to do this."

"Well," I say, "I have to warn you...he likes it rough. You know, nothing extreme, but he has this green strap that he uses..."

Lucy interrupts me. "Lisa, I know you've known me for a long time, but there are a lot of things you don't know about me. I really have thought about this for a while now. I just have been too chicken to say anything. But I said it. And now, I have to tell you, I really like it rough too. Really. Rough." She looks at me to make sure that I get what she's talking about.

We stare at each other for a few seconds, a myriad of thoughts running through each of our brains. Finally, I say, "Oh boy, we're gonna have some fun!"

I set up the date, arranging the details...everything from getting a hotel room to buying some sexy new lingerie. I have to admit, the lingerie was more for Lucy than for the guy. I was determined to seduce her and kiss those luscious lips I've fantasized about all these years.

Rob agreed to meet us at the hotel. Lucy and I drove together, looking at each other nervously at times, making small talk. The whole time we were driving and checking in to the hotel, I was hoping she wouldn't chicken out at the last minute.

When we arrived at our room, I asked her, "You sure you wanna do this?"

She looked at me, sighed, and grabbed my face in her hands, planting a soft, wet kiss on my lips. I kissed back, feeling the fullness of her lips on mine, her tongue, tasting how sweet she was and feeling my pussy getting wet as we kissed.

We parted lips and she said softly, "I've wanted to do that for years now."

Instead of voicing my agreement, I quickly opened the door, tossed my bag on the floor, practically grabbing her and throwing her across the bed. I straddled her now, grabbing at her blouse, unbuttoning it, and kissing her furiously. I could feel her nipples harden as I took her breasts in my hands, taking her bra off gently, and lying on my side next to her as I sucked lightly on her nipple.

She moaned softly, arching her back while I caressed and licked her breasts, helping her take her skirt off. I got undressed, feeling the moisture between my legs increase as I watched Lucy touch herself, fondling her nipples and twisting them slightly between her fingertips. I began kissing her stomach, amazed at how soft her skin felt on my lips, making my way down to her pussy. I was glad to see that she was completely shaved, and my lips were starting to water in anticipation. She started to moan louder now, knowing full well where I was headed, and what I was going to do. I put two fingers in my mouth and got them nice and wet. She spread her legs for me, exposing a beautiful pussy with beautiful pink lips and a clit that just called to me. I stuck my tongue out and gently licked, hearing her soft intake of breath as I did this. I worked her clit with my thumb as I licked again and parted her lips with my tongue, making way for my fingers to enter her waiting pussy.

It was just then that we heard the knock on the door.

"That's Rob," I said. "You ready?" I asked Lucy.

"Oh fuck yes!" she said.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Technorati Tags:fantasy friday, erotica, female erogenous zones, lesbians, threesomes

That Sucks

2007-05-09T22:23:00.001-07:00

Throat cancer linked to HPV infection

First it was cervical cancer that we had to worry about with HPV (human papillomavirus), and now, it's throat cancer.

The sexually transmitted human papillomavirus causes some throat cancers in men and women, and oral sex increases the risk, U.S. researchers say.

Even though getting throat cancer is extremely rare in most cases, it gives us one more reason to use condoms and urge our young women to get the HPV vaccine. Because, really, that's the last thing they want to worry about when they're giving head behind the bleachers of the middle school soccer field.

Technorati Tags: HPV, sex

Blue Moon

2007-05-09T21:50:00.001-07:00

Your Honor,
I was drunk. I was on prescribed medication. I had diarrhea.

These were the excuses a New England man gave a judge in March when he was arraigned for mooning people on a bridge. He was fined $500. If only Paris Hilton used those same excuses, she might not be going to jail. Diarrhea is a golden excuse. She should use it when she's in the slammer and she has to mingle with the plebians. Just tell them you have diarrhea, dear. No one will bother you.

Technorati Tags: diarrhea, paris hilton, mooning

You're Not Fit to Wear the Uniform

2007-05-08T18:38:00.001-07:00

Police take down stripper's particulars for impersonation - Yahoo! News

So, this stripper gets taken in and booked for impersonating an officer, when really he was just dressed in his requisite stripper uniform, getting ready to do an act. But I guess the two female plain-clothed officers decided he just wasn't doing the uniform justice. This is the scene I imagine:

Outside a bar, two plainclothes female police officers parked in a car across the street are just finishing a stake out. There is a small line outside the bar, and a few people are near the door talking and smoking. One of those people is a 24 year old blonde guy dressed in a cop uniform, who moments before had just arrived.

Female Cop 1: (to Female Cop 2) Hey, it looks like there's a cop on duty here at this bar.
Female Cop 2: You serious? Maybe he got a call about a fight or something. (gets a closer look at the officer) He doesn't look familiar. But, fuck, he's hot. Look at that ass.
Female Cop 1: Let's go fuck with him.
Female Cop 2: And do what?
Female Cop 1: I dunno, break his balls a little. Maybe get his number. (smiles)

She gets out of the car, and the other female cop follows. They walk across the street together, Female Cop 1 definitely in control. The blonde uniformed cop has his back to the two as they approach the bar. Female Cop 1 walks up behind him and taps him on the shoulder.

Female Cop 1: Officer, do you have a badge?
(The uniformed cop turns around, obviously taken aback, with a look of confusion on his face. His shirt is unbuttoned, showing off much of his tanned, muscular chest.)
Stripper: Excuse me? I'm not really a cop; I work here.
Female Cop 1: (showing her badge) My name is Officer Cagney. This is my partner Officer Lacey. Do you have ID on you?
Stripper: (incredulous) You're kidding, right? I don't carry ID, I'm a stripper. All I got on is this uniform and a really tight speedo.
Female Cop 1: (eyeing him from head to toe) That's a pretty authentic looking uniform. We thought you were a cop that's why we came over here.
Stripper: No, I'm not. I just work here. My routine is coming up next. You're welcome to come in and watch if you'd like.
Female Cop 1: Well, sir, you're gonna have to prove you are who you say you are, otherwise we'll have to take you in.
Stripper: Take me in? For what?
Female Cop 1: Impersonating an officer.
Stripper: Are you kidding?? Do I fucking look like a real officer to you? My shirt is missing three buttons and my badge says 'Property of Women' on it.
Female Cop 1: Sir, just prove who you say you are, and we'll leave you alone.
Stripper: (shaking his head) Fine. Come in and watch. If I give you an extra good show, will you leave me alone?
Female Cop 2: (jumping in before the other cop can say anything) Yeah, if you give us an extra good show.

(They all walk into the bar. The cops take a seat at an empty table while the stripper heads to the stage. The room is full of hooting, drunk women, whistling to the stripper as he walks by. The DJ announces the stripper as the lights flash and a police siren goes off and the sound of NWA's 'Fuck tha Police' is played in the background.)

DJ: And now....Ladies put your hands up and beg for mercy....because...it's the police fantasy you've all been waiting for....Welcome to the stage...your hot cop in a uniform....EROS!!!!!!!!

(crowd goes wild)

Female Cop 1: (to Female Cop 2) He better be fucking hung, otherwise, I'm taking him in.

Anyway, you get the idea. The poor stripper gives them his version of an "extra good show" but lacks the girth or length to garner a pardon from the female cops. They probably thought they were doing the world a favor by not letting this guy do his strip routine.

Technorati Tags:cop fantasy, impersonating a cop, stripper

And the World is a Better Place Because of It

2007-05-07T21:46:00.001-07:00

Thousands strip off for world's biggest nude photoshoot | the Daily Mail

So Mexico might not have a strong economy or clean drinking water, but they do have donkey shows and now this. Apparently, a Brooklyn artist who uses naked bodies as the subjects of his artwork, filled a whole plaza in Mexico City with 18,000 naked bodies. He even got a man in a wheelchair. And the great thing about the event was that most of the participants saw it as a show of patriotic solidarity rather than a chance to show off their private parts to the world. In between shots, they sang Mexican folk songs. I can't help but think that if there was a photo shoot this big in the U.S., half of the crowd might not even know the national anthem. And then the LAPD would show up and start pelting people with rubber bullets. Ouch.

Technorati Tags:naked art, public nudity

We Don't Need No Water, Let the Motherf***er Burn

2007-05-06T22:02:00.000-07:00

ITV News - Firemen mistaken for strippers

It was an honest mistake. If I was watching a strip show, I too would have thought I hit the jackpot when not one but a whole team of firefighters came bursting through the doors ready to quench fire. OK, so the fire they were going to quench was not in my loins but in the back room where the actual stripper got a little carried away with the lighter fluid for his own fireman routine. But I seriously wonder how many of those firemen were just a little tempted to put on a little show for some extra cash. Not a bad side job, dontcha think?

Technorati Tags: firemen stripper, firemen routine, strip show

Fantasy Friday: Supporting Our Troops, Part I

2007-05-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

I've always had a thing for men in uniform. As a toddler, I would wave at cops and call them my boyfriends, and every time I see servicemen in uniform I have to fight the urge to just jump them right then and there. Well, here's my fantasy...

I've been captured by soldiers as an enemy combatant, and they take me into a secluded room for questioning. Tied to a chair and gagged, dressed only in my underwear, they proceed to tell me that I will do as told and that they will have their way with me. They ungag me but still leave me tied to the chair with my hands behind my back. They each take turns sticking their rock hard cocks into my mouth, gagging me and pounding the back of my throat with each thrust. I've had quite a few cocks in my lifetime, but six in a row has set a new record.

They tell me to suck their balls, and lick their assholes, forcing me to do all these things while still bound to the chair. Eventually, they loosen the ties around me and proceed to undress me right then and there. One of them rubs and sucks on my nipples while another takes off my panties gently and then forcefully sticks his tongue right in between my legs to taste the pussy juice that has suddenly soaked me through and through. I knew they were going to have a field day with me, using me and fucking me every which way. But that didn't scare me. What scared me was that I knew I was going to enjoy it.

TO BE CONTINUED...

WTF???

2007-05-03T17:50:00.001-07:00

How many nude asian chicks can you fit in a telephone booth

God, I love the Japanese. They've done absolutely everything, I mean EVERYTHING, you can possibly do in a porno. While watching this video is not particularly the kind of thing that would get me all hot and bothered, it sure made me laugh. Try and guess how many Asian chicks they ended up fitting into a telephone booth. Go ahead, try.

Technorati Tags: japanese porn, nude asian chicks

Livin' La Vida Loca

2007-05-02T13:03:00.001-07:00

Ricky Martin 'shows nude footage at concert'

Ricky Martin. That Wild and Crazy Guy. He showed sexy (gasp!) clips at his concert the other day, shocking fans. AND he apparently used the F-Bomb quite a few times. What the hell is the world coming to?? First Ricky Martin curses and swears and shows sexy video clips at his concert. Next thing you know, politicians and lawmakers will be hiring prostitutes and lying to the public about everything from taking bribes to being gay. The End is Near.

Technorati Tags: Ricky Martin

Adopt a Clitoris

2007-05-01T11:51:00.001-07:00

Clitoraid - Sponsor a Clitoris: News

Have you heard The Clitoraid Story? If you have, then I'm sorry. If you haven't, watch the video, look at the website and come to your own conclusions. Sadly atrocities such as ridding a woman of a major part of her womanhood really do happen. Even more sad is that the cause to help clitorises (clitorae?) across Africa has been adopted by none other than whackjob mccracker Rael, leader of the infamous space cadets the Raelians. In case you didn't know, Raelism is a religion started by a former auto racing journalist who believes in UFOs and started the company Clonaid, a "human cloning company." At least, if they do manage to clone humans, we'll know that the women will all have fully functioning clitorises. Thank god...er, Rael...for that.

Technorati Tags: clitoraid, clitoris, raelians, rael, clonaid

Sign Me Up!

2007-04-30T16:02:00.001-07:00

The Daily Record - NEWS - WONDER PILL FOR WOMEN

Whoever thought of making a pill that would increase your sex drive AND help you lose weight is GENIUS. Pure Genius. If this is really the wonder drug that it says it is, it could just be the medical breakthrough of the decade and women will be popping these pills left and right much like 70-year-olds have been with Viagra. Granted, it would be nice to see a cure for cancer or Alzheimer's, but with the current administration, progress in those areas has been delayed.

Technorati Tags: wonderpill, sex drive

And So the Name Game Begins...

2007-04-29T10:35:00.001-07:00

'I Abhor Injustice,' Alleged Madam Says - washingtonpost.com

I can't wait to see who else is on this D.C. Madam's list. So far, one deputy secretary of state, Randall Tobias, has resigned after confirming that he used "gals...to give me a massage." Hmmmmm, with a happy ending perhaps?? The thing that irks me about all this is not that a public official hired escorts, but the idea that this public official is in charge of overseeing abstinence-only programs abroad. When will this administration ever learn, like any good Christian, that they've got to practice what they preach?

Technorati Tags: D.C. Madam, prostitution

Fantasy Friday: From Husband to Man Whore, Chap. 1-3

2007-04-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm going to shamelessly plug my new site, Cumluscious, a full-on cum-crazed blog. I started a new story on there, and I'm gonna be lazy and just link to it rather than write a whole new story for this blog. Don't worry, I'll post something erotica-slanted sometime next week, but for now, this'll have to do. Enjoy!

From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 1
From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 2
From Husband to Man Whore, Chapter 3

He Bought the Cow and Died Trying to Get the Milk for Free

2007-04-26T13:38:00.001-07:00

Cambodian kicked to death by unaccommodating cow - Unusual Tales - Specials

How sad is this? Some old guy in Cambodia decides that Old Bessie, the cow with the great hind end and huge udder, is looking mighty sexy. So in the attempt to fuck the cow, he dies, suffering from fatal injuries to the head and the groin. I guess Old Bessie wasn't having it. Tsk, tsk. So there's a lesson for you kids. Make sure you wear protective gear when you decide to have sex with a cow.

Horny Nutcrackers

2007-04-25T09:58:00.001-07:00

The Sun Online - News: Queen's Guards in X-rated film

Apparently, those infamous Queen's Guards -- you know the ones that wear the red uniforms and funny hats and guard the Queen of England -- are a bunch of raunchy, horny, naughty little wankers. A few of them got really drunk, in their uniforms of course, and shot an x-rated video of them baring their asses, slapping each others butts, and participating in some wankeroo with each other. In my mind, it's not really the activity that got them fired, it's the fact that they videotaped it and allowed the incriminating evidence to land in the wrong hands. Besides, how could you NOT get horny just looking at those fucking hairy, phallic hats? As much as these soldiers stand and walk around like robots, they're just human for fuckssake. And they're fucking sexy. I always had a thing for the Nutcracker. Just the name alone gets me all hot. Oh Baby.

Technorati Tags: queen's guards sex, horny nutcracker

Top Ten Reasons to Be In the Porn Industry

2007-04-24T09:37:00.001-07:00

Top ten reasons to enjoy porn - Spotlight

Number 10 -- Your porn name. Need I say more?
Number 9 -- You can "help an insecure person not feel alone during sex."
Number 8 -- You can be "comical" while still pursuing a serious career in acting.
Number 7 -- Things like lingerie and manicures and makeup can all be tax deductions (for a woman this is HUGE).
Number 6 -- You can finally tell people what your ass tastes like.
Number 5 -- You give dumb college students a topic to write about for their school newspapers.
Number 4 -- Your "horrible boob job" and "some what distorted body" might encourage other women to seek out a more "legitimate" career path.
Number 3 -- You get paid to have sex. And you don't have to stand at the corner of Sunset and Vine or have dinner with a guy who spits while he chews.
Number 2 -- Everyone secretly wishes they were you.
AND
Number 1 -- You're probably smarter than this dumbass who wrote the article referenced above, and you're not paying thousands of dollars in tuition just so you can work in a cubicle someday.

Technorati Tags: porn, porn industry, top ten

No Penis Power Here

2007-04-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

My clit is bigger than these guy's penises.

Free Boobies!!!

2007-04-22T12:12:00.001-07:00

JANE Guide to Breast Health: Slideshows: janemag.com

Ha Ha, made ya look. Play the JANE Guide to Breast Health Slideshow and you get to see free pics of boobage. Mind you, they're not the kind you're used to seeing in porn and on Spamela Anderson and the like, but they're what you'd see if the chick next door suddenly decided to flash you for beads. I actually applaud this little slideshow and the attempt to make us ordinary women feel grateful that we have above-average sized 34Cs.

Technorati Tags: boobies, breast health, perfect breasts

You Can Actually Get Paid for That?

2007-04-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

SEXUAL 'GOFER' VS. BOSS By DAREH GREGORIAN - Regionalnews - New York Post Online Edition

So this woman is suing her ex-boss because she claims he made her buy lube and organize his nude pics and set up fuck buddy dates for him on business trips. I don't know about you, but I'd actually LOVE to get paid to do stuff like that. Forget filing - BOOORING. I'd much rather be browsing sex shoppes than typing up a form letter, thank you very much. Personally, I don't see what she's so worked up about. Lame.

Technorati Tags: sexual gofer, secretary

Fantasy Friday: Cum Play Dress Up with Me, Part Two

2007-04-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

He drives a couple of blocks to an empty parking lot and finds a spot where it's dark enough that no one will notice.
I say, "You have to pay me first."
He chuckles a bit to himself, but reaches for his wallet, and says, "You better be a good little cumslut if you're gonna get my hard-earned cash."
"Don't worry," I say, "You'll get your money's worth."

I grab the cash from his hands, stuff it down my bra, and turn towards him. "So, baby, show me that hard cock of yours."

I unbutton his pants and begin to work his zipper while he grabs my breasts.
"God your breasts are nice and big. I love that cleavage of yours," he says while I take his cock in my hand.
He gasps when I put it full on into my mouth, my lips closing tightly around it. I stop long enough to say, "Baby, your cock feels so good in my mouth."
He begins to thrust a little each time my mouth goes down to the base of his cock. This time, my knees are on the car seat, and my ass is up in the air. He reaches up my skirt and begins to rub my pussy. "Oooh, you're wet," he says.
"Yeah baby, I get wet when I suck a good cock."
He slowly slides one finger in my pussy. "mmmmmm," I say. "I like that."
He pulls his finger out, tells me to look at him, and sucks on his finger like it's covered in honey.
"Fuck, you turn me on," I say.
"Yeah? You wanna fuck me?" he asks.

Technorati Tags:erotica, prostitution, cockwhore, cumslut

Ummm...

2007-04-19T10:50:00.001-07:00

Skoften.net - Je weet toch

I'm not sure WHY someone would do this, but it's definitely a picture essay if I ever saw one. Make sure to scroll down slowly. I'm sure if you had videotaped me while I was looking at this, you would have seen the progression of my eyes bugging out of my head. Enjoy!

Skoften.net - Je weet toch

The Slutty Professor

2007-04-18T12:36:00.001-07:00

Glimpse of porn in class leads teacher to resign
Dear Substitute Teacher,
Please make sure you show this instructional video about volcanoes to the kids. It's the one entitled "Hot Lava Eruptions: There She Blows."
Sincerely,
Ms. Kalabus

Poor teachers. All of a sudden they're in the news left and right, and not because they raised test scores or single-handedly changed a student's life. If it's not fatal attractions to students or promoting sex acts among students while they watch, it's being forced to resign because your porn accidentally got mixed up with the educational videos you show in class. I blame the porn industry. If it wasn't for their ambiguous titles, all of this could have been avoided. How easy is it to mistake "A Midsummer Night's Cream" for the PBS rendition of the famous Shakespearean play? Or "ET: The Extra Testicle" for your favorite movie when you were in school? And don't even get me started on "Good Will Humping" or "Hairy Pooter and the Sorcerer's Stone." Still, the actual educational video I saw in Physiology class of a woman giving birth has scarred me far worse than porn ever has.

Technorati Tags: porn titles

True Dat

2007-04-17T18:11:00.000-07:00

Beware of the penis power, ladies. And god forbid if that penis power done ejaculated into yo brain. Lord, have mercy!

Alexyss Tylor, an Atlanta public access TV host, says that she doesn't have a master's degree or PhD in academia, but she does have "a master's degree in being played by men, used by men, told everything I want to hear to get me into positions..." Thus, Vagina Power, her local public access talk show (where she does mainly ALL the talking), is born.

If you have the 10 minutes to spare to listen her spew out her so-called teachings, you might find yourself laughing out loud in some spots, especially at her trusty sidekick.

Technorati Tags:vagina power, penis power, sex teaching

I Love the Smell of VULVA in the Morning

2007-04-16T14:42:00.001-07:00

VULVA Original

Words escape me. You're just gonna have to click on the link and see for yourself. If only they invented olfactory capability in computers. You can either spend the 20 Euro to buy it bottled or stop by my house anytime and I'll give you a free whiff.

Technorati Tags: vulva, vagina, vaginal odor, vagina smell

It's Survival of the Fittest at work

2007-04-14T17:08:00.001-07:00

What an ovulating girl wants: Manly men - LiveScience - MSNBC.com
Who says evolution is a crock? This study suggests that women seek out masculine men when ovulating, proof that we want our species to thrive and produce genes fit for survival. Not to say that a "manly man" is the height of mankind, but it does prove some theories:
1. Horny women are probably responsible for the success of Brad Pitt's career.
2. George Clooney isn't gay; he just recognizes that women only want him when they're ovulating, and not when they want a long-term relationship.
3. No wonder I find my husband's bushy eyebrows so goddamn sexy.

Fantasy Friday: Cum Play Dress Up With Me

2007-04-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

My husband and I occasionally like to role-play, and getting to dress up like a slut is part of the fun for me. One of my fantasies is to dress up real slutty, make up like a hooker, skirt barely covering my ass. If I bend down, you're sure to see my pussy. Six inch heels like the kind strippers wear with black thigh highs that are sure to turn any pantyhose fetishist wild. I tell my man to meet me at the corner of Sunset and Vine, and I'm standing there at the bus stop looking like the horny hooker that I am, ready to take on my next john. He sees me and pulls over, and I bend over giving the people at the bus stop behind me quite a show. I say, "Wanna date handsome?" and he replies, "How much?"
"Forty for a blow, sixty for a fuck," I say, like I've been a prostitute for years.
"Get in," he says, and I get slightly wet when he says it because he sounds so forceful and manly.
He drives a couple of blocks to an empty parking lot and finds a spot where it's dark enough that no one will notice.
I say, "You have to pay me first."
He chuckles a bit to himself, but reaches for his wallet, and says, "You better be a good little cumslut if you're gonna get my hard-earned cash."
"Don't worry," I say, "You'll get your money's worth."
...TO BE CONTINUED

Technorati Tags:sex fantasy, erotica, cumslut, cum, hooker fantasy

Bravo New York!

2007-04-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

New York's risqué condom campaign. - By Bonnie Goldstein - Slate Magazine

Kudos to New York for launching a safe sex campaign, giving away free condoms, and promoting responsible behavior in a variety of languages for the city's population.

While some might consider this a "risqué" move on the part of New York's mayor, Michael Bloomberg, I feel that it's smart, necessary, and significant for one of our nation's largest and most trend-setting cities to finally acknowledge the fact that people have sex and should be taught how to do it responsibly.

Now, hopefully, people will continue that responsible behavior and throw their used condoms in the trash instead of discarding them nonchalantly in the already littered streets of New York.

Technorati Tags: condoms, NYC condoms, safe sex

Beyonce? Really?

2007-04-12T15:44:00.001-07:00

AskMen.com - Top 99 Women 2007

OK, so AskMen.com recently published their list of the Top 99 Desirable Women of 2007. I have several problems with this. One, 2007 is only 4 months old. If they want to prematurely publish this list before the end of the year, be my guest, but I'm just saying. Who knows? Maybe some buxom bombshell will fall out of the sky in mid-July. Then they'll feel really stupid. Second, who are these men that they're asking? The website claims that "more than 8.5 million votes were cast over a six week period." Was each vote a unique vote or was it simply the result of an overzealous obsessed fan who has a thing for Scarlett Johansen? The reason I ask is that the list is somewhat interesting. Reese Witherspoon and Cameron Diaz were among the rejects. Which I don't quite understand since Jennifer Love Hewitt was on their Top 99 List. Their number one reject from the list was Britney Spears, which I actually applaud. She's not even on my list of Top 10,000. Many of the women on this list are people I have never, ever heard of. A whole lot of them are models, and funnily enough, NONE of them are porn stars. WTF? This is my third reason for having a problem with this list. If you look at the actual revenues of the porn industry, that alone is proof enough that porn stars are some of the most desirable women in the world. Maybe AskMen.com wanted to avoid "controversy" by not nominating any porn stars, but give me a break. I know quite a few of them would be in MY Top 99. Lastly, their number one desirable woman out of the 99 listed is....BEYONCE. Really? I mean, she's hot and all, and yeah, she can sing, and she has an amazing ass. But, IMO, definitely not No. 1.

2007-04-12T11:55:00.000-07:00

Hello Pink Artichoke Readers,
For the past few days, I've been remiss in posting new entries. Mainly due to the lack of time afforded for internet access while traveling, partially due to a lack of initiative on my part to keep a fresh post available in my absence. But do not fear! I will more than make up for it in the next few posts...Today I am posting two entries that I hope will make you think and will titillate your brain synapses and urge you to formulate your own theories about sex and the world we live in.

In the meantime, here's a Best of Craigslist entry that I found somewhat amusing. Evidence, once again, that sex is a need, just like food and water.

best of craigslist : Dear, guy masturbating in the bathroom stall at my work...

Peep Show

2007-04-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter!

This Ain't Your Sister's Barbie Doll

2007-04-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

The Evolution of Sex Dolls in Japan
Sex Dolls have come a long way, baby. Now, it's amazing how lifelike they really are. Some look even better than the real thing. I'm sure some of these are collector's items, and they probably cost a fortune. But, if you want a girlfriend-like experience without the girlfriend or a live human for that matter, take a look at these.

Technorati Tags:sex dolls, blow up dolls

Fantasy Friday - Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun!!

2007-04-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't a fantasy about twins. But you can probably guess where this is going. For the longest time, I've wanted to have a DP. The idea of one cock in my cunt and another cock in my ass at the same time...wooowwweee!!! I get so turned on whenever I see this particular sex act in pornos, and I marvel at the ability of some women to take two huge cocks in so easily. Here's what I fantasize about...

For more Fantasy Friday, go to my X-rated blog.

Technorati Tags:sex fantasy, erotica, double penetration, DP, double cock sucking

The Language of Love

2007-04-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

I know I've been posting some fluff lately -- celebrity shit and comic videos -- no REAL entries about the world of sex and everything in it. Maybe it's the mood I've been in lately; I kinda don't want to think about everyday life and the weighty issues that surround us. Just give me a 2-minute video from YouTube that'll make me laugh out loud, and I can rest in peace. Besides, most of you readers don't wanna hear me rant, you just want Fantasy Friday everyday (which, by the way, this week's post should be good). Anyway, until tomorrow, here's more fluff to keep your mind off work and how much sex you're NOT getting.

Technorati Tags:fuck my ass

Greatest Headline Ever

2007-04-04T09:26:00.001-07:00

Angry girl takes bite out of Hamburger | Metro.co.uk

I love this headline: "Angry girl takes bite out of Hamburger." Some guy from Hamburg got more than he bargained for when he wouldn't just let the girl dance.
A German girl who could not get an admirer to stop bothering her in a Hamburg disco unzipped the man's flies, pulled out his penis, put it in her mouth - and then almost bit it in half.

I've been assaulted on the dance floor before (for some reason, big black guys with hard ons seem to sneak up behind me right when I'm getting my groove on), but I don't think I've ever been mad enough or drunk enough to want to bite a guy's dick off. A word to the wise: beware of strange women who suddenly go down on you on the dance floor.

OK, so today's post has nothing really to do with sex, but I couldn't help but post the headline.

Technorati Tags:severed penis, angry girl

The Saddest Handjob

2007-04-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a bit of comic relief in preparation for Hump Day.

Via: VideoSift

Does any of this sound familiar? If I were Louis C.K.'s wife, I dunno how happy I'd be with his characterization of me. Now, if he looked like Dane Cook,...

Did Dane Cook steal Louis C.K.'s material?

Technorati Tags:Louis C.K., saddest handjob, comedians, Dane Cook

Check Out Those Lady Lumps

2007-04-02T17:04:00.001-07:00

Tittle-Tattle: Fergie Has Experimented With Lesbian Relationships - The Post Chronicle
My humps. My humps. My lovely Lady Humps. Maybe there's more to that stupid song than I originally thought. Fergie likes those lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front. I apologize for getting that tormenting tune in your head, but apparently this is news people. Fergie has had (gasp!) sex with other women. And again, I apologize for getting that horrible image in your mind. I'm picturing Bret Michaels and Pamela Anderson all over again, only with more crystal meth and collagen injections.

Picture courtesy of Perez Hilton

Technorati Tags: fergie, lesbian sex, bret michaels, pamela anderson, my humps

God Bless Us, Everyone...Well, Three of Us

2007-04-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

Threesomes Within a Christian Marriage

Either this is some really great April Fool's Day prank, or Christians can interpret pretty much any passage in the Bible to support their beliefs. This is some really fucked up shit. Here's basically what the article says: It's ok to have a threesome, as long as it's not two men and one woman (Homosexuality is evil!) and the two women in the threesome can engage in lesbian sex as long as they maintain female stereotypical roles of submissiveness, look like women (i.e. wear lipstick and have a high-pitched voice), and still obey the male. And I quote,...

...we feel a Christian threesome is morally acceptable if it meets these conditions: It must be composed of one man and two women, all of whom recognize and maintain proper sex roles for men and women in and out of the bedroom. All married members of the threesome must consent to the arrangement and have consent from their spouses. And finally, the purpose of the relationship must be that it ultimately strengthens the existing bond between husband and wife and allows all three parties to share and celebrate their love of God together.

I attempted to find out who the author of this groundbreaking bullshit is, but to no avail. There are also links to God's view on oral sex, anal sex, and of all things, fisting. You may find your jaw dropping as you read this stuff, so beware. But most of all, know that God is looking down on you in pleasure as you fuck your wife's best friend silly.

Technorati Tags:threesomes, sex and god's will, christian sex, hypocrites

Lick my Purity Balls, Baby

2007-03-31T19:39:00.001-07:00

Would you pledge your virginity to your father?: News: glamour.com

So this is somewhat disturbing and VERY weird. These Purity Balls have gained popularity among right-wing evangelical Christians and spurned them on to promote chastity and virginity among their youth in a fashion that's a cross between a debutante ball and a weird Mormon marriage ceremony. If you read the article, you'll see that these fathers want to protect their dear little daughters against the big, bad sex monster, pledging to fight for their chastisty while the daughters promise to remain pure. My guess? Half of these 15 year olds have probably already sucked a guy's dick or held one in their hand, while a small percentage of them probably have had anal sex. But, of course, that doesn't count. Any self-respecting Catholic girl will tell you, taking it up the ass is the best way to ensure you're telling the truth at confession and the best way to prevent the death of the maiden -- pregnancy. I believe that these girls will "wait until marriage" just like I believe that Paris Hilton will remain celibate for a year. Puh-leeese. I feel sorry for these young women. Granted, they may have incredible relationships with their fathers, but their future husbands are going to have a lot to contend with and way more than that to live up to. AND once their marriage starts to go awry, these has-been virgins will go out whoring to make up for lost time, and not even do it safely cuz they never were taught how to in the first place, for fear that it would make them promiscuous. God help us. God help us all.

Technorati Tags: purity ball, celibacy, virginity, chastity, sex advice, anal sex, sex education, Paris Hilton

It's Fantasy Friday! Here She Cums...

2007-03-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

As an Asian woman, I've pretty much fulfilled the classic Asian submissive role during sex play. With my husband, I am almost always submissive, allowing him to do some light BDSM play and really getting off on it. I absolutely LOVE getting my hair pulled while he's fucking me from behind, but that's another story. Lately, I've had the urge to explore a more dominant role in sex, only not with my husband but with another woman, preferably of the Asian persuasion, with big boobs and a love of light BDSM play as well. I want to be the dominant one, spanking the woman's ass, spanking her pussy, pinching her nipples with clothespins, and a whole host of other things that she will enjoy. Here's the scenario:

I'm the mistress, the dominant one, and she is the sex slave. She's not allowed to speak unless spoken to, and she is only allowed to say, "Yes, Mistress." My husband will be in the room, but he is solely there to observe. He is not allowed to participate unless I tell him to. My sex slave will be forced to get on her knees, naked, with her hands tied behind her back. I will begin to engage in some nipple play, teasing her nipples, pinching them with clothespins, twisting them, and forcing her to suck on mine. The pleasure I receive is in knowing that she loves being treated this way. The more intense the better. As I spank her ass, I know that with each smack of my hand, her pussy gets wetter, and I get to lick that all up when I'm done torturing her.

I begin to employ the use of toys. I get out the butt plug and begin to lube it up, but only a bit, because I know that she enjoys the sting when it enters her asshole.
I thrust it into her ass and make her wince, then pull it out forcefully, making her suck on it. This is only the beginning.

For now, I will make her kneel in the center of the room, her hands tied behind her back tightly, a ball gag in her mouth, and a butt plug up her ass. I'll let her stay that way for a bit while I go enjoy a glass of wine with my hubby. When I return, she'll have much more in store for her, and I'll have her licking me in no time...
TO BE CONTINUED.
More Asian Girl Girl action, free pics and movies

Technorati Tags:BDSM, femdom, nipple play, sex slave

One More Reason to Love Drew Barrymore

2007-03-29T19:32:00.001-07:00

Drew Barrymore Does Jane Magazine | Celebrity News Live!
Yes, I realize I have been remiss in mentioning Paris Hilton in my blog posts of late, but do not fear! She will return, just like she always does. In the meantime, I am going to follow up yesterday's post about Courtney Cox with another celebrity-based post (sorry!). Cuz you know, some days I just don't feel like writing an essay on teen pregnancy or sex fetishes.

My high school obsession with Drew Barrymore has now resurfaced. Granted, she's been quite the media whore lately, gracing the covers of Glamour magazine and the like and making me quite nauseated with this upscale and chic persona. Whatever happened to the breast-baring, flower child, I-don't-give-a-fuck Drew Barrymore that I grew up loving and idolizing? Well, she's not forever lost. In the new issue of Jane magazine, Drew talks about how free-thinking she is when it comes to sex, and suddenly, I feel like I'm back in high school again. Then, in other news, Jane editor Jane Pratt reveals that she once had a sexual relationship with Drew (like that's a surprise?!) in what looks to me like a silly attempt to sell more magazines. I always knew that Drew was bisexual. She may not admit it or identify herself as that, but I sense in her the soul of a truly sexual being, enjoying the activity whether it be male or female or David Letterman. Or Courtney Love for that matter. BTW, I always thought there was some threesome action going on with Drew, Courtney, and Mr. Edward Norton. And another aside, what kind of man goes from Courtney Love to Salma Hayek? An obviously talented one, of course. Anyway, I think I've dropped enough celeb names in this posts to get me maybe a dozen more readers. So, thanks for indulging my sudden reinfatuation with Drew and my complete surrender to the vacuum that is Hollywood.

Technorati Tags: Drew Barrymore, Jane magazine, bisexual, sexual freedom, Courtney Love, Edward Norton, Salma Hayek, David Letterman, celebrities

The Kiss Heard Round the World

2007-03-28T18:12:00.001-07:00

I hate to admit it, but I was curious. Just like everyone else. But, I'll save you the time and hassle and tell you it's nothing to be excited about. Jennifer Aniston plays herself just as she usually does in every fucking role she has, and Courtney Cox looks like she specifically got collagen injections for this scene. The kiss is lame, totally non-erotic, and so not worth the hype. Best friends kissing, big fucking deal. Give me some hot asian lez action with full on licking and fingering and shit like that, and then come talk to me.

Technorati Tags: Courtney Cox, Jenifer Aniston, lesbian, kissing, dirt

No Truer Words Were Ever Spoken

2007-03-27T10:35:00.001-07:00

For Guy Virgins: Basic Things No One Told Me About Sex

When I read this article, I picture some pimply-faced, skinny, paler than dust white guy who just got his braces off typing furiously at his computer. This was the same guy who, in high school, sat next to me in the back of the room in geometry class and passed around old copies of Penthouse to his geeky friends while I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disgust. Still, I've got to hand it to him, he pretty much wrote a manifesto to all his geeky friends in this article. Dispelling all the myths one might have about sex (if the only sex they've had is in front of a TV set with Mrs. Palmer and her five friends), this article pretty much gives it to the reader straight, no-nonsense, and to the point. From the messiness of the situation to minor injuries you might sustain while having sex (usually general clumsiness), you get it all outlined here. The only thing he forgets to mention is that not all women look like porn stars. Not all women have huge fake titties and walk around in 8-inch heels and thong bikinis. If he wants to include some basic things about sex, then he should probably touch upon the importance of being able to find a clit, regardless of how small it is or how much she keeps saying, "It really doesn't matter, I liked it anyway." In fact, here's my version of what I would tell Guy Virgins about sex: You'll probably cum in 5 seconds, be really nervous, and need an entire box of condoms before you can get one on right and be hard enough to do anything. But, relax. All you really need to know is how to make a woman feel special, like she's the only woman on earth, that you'd do anything to please her, and well, that your entire goal is not to lose your virginity but to worship her body like there were no tomorrow. That, my friend, is a surefire why to get any woman to act like a porn star and make all your porn fantasies cum true.

Technorati Tags: guy virgin, masturbation, sex, clit, how to please a woman

I Love You So Much, I Could Eat You

2007-03-26T12:56:00.001-07:00

Brazilian Sentenced For Killing, Cooking Husband - News

Do you ever find yourself saying those words to your lover in a moment of passion? Or maybe just cuz you're hungry and his penis looks especially appetizing? Or maybe just cuz you love food so much and you love him so much it's like two dreams melded into one? Whatever the case may be, this article might strike a chord for you. A housewife in Brazil has been sentenced for killing her husband, chopping his body into small pieces, cooking it in a nice stew, frying parts of his body (you know, when she got the munchies), and hiding the remains in plastic bags beneath a staircase. YUM. Seriously, people do some strange shit, y'know? I've only briefly entertained the thought of stuffing my husband's body after he dies. Of course, his cock will have to be erect at all times and his fingers need to be in the perfect position, but that's not asking much is it? I think today's blog entry has officially moved me one step closer to hell.

Technorati Tags:weird, cooking husband, black magic ritual

What I Like to Do on a Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2007-03-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

Guess What I Have in my Pic-a-nic Basket, Yogi.

2007-03-24T11:45:00.001-07:00

: Vaginal bear trap protects women against rape

For all those devious, vengeful, and self-obsessed women who give the rest of us a bad name, this product would be perfect. I, on the other hand, see no point to it other than giving me something to blog about today. Apparently, the inventor of this product believes that putting this bear trap/condom up your pussy will keep would-be rapists at bay, but the only thing it protects the woman from is actual penetration of a penis - or a finger. It does not protect her from the actual violence and invasion that precedes the act, nor does it deter men from, say, fucking you up the ass. OK, so I'm being a bit cavalier about the topic, but this whole snare up my snatch thing just doesn't bode well with me. What happens if I forget it's up there and my lover happens to fancy sticking his finger up my cunt? Or maybe his tongue? I'm picturing something akin to getting yourself caught in a mousetrap or even worse, getting your penis caught in a mousetrap. How do you explain that to your urologist?

Technorati Tags: condom, rape, rapist, weird, safe sex

Fantasy Friday: All That She Wants, Part III

2007-03-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

Click here to read All That She Wants, Part I
Click here to read All That She Wants, Part II

I walked a few steps then encountered the bed, and my hands were set free. I was turned, guided to lie on the bed, and all I heard were footsteps all around me, as if I was being descended upon. I felt two, maybe three people sitting down around me on the bed. My breath caught quickly, and I swallowed in anticipation of what surely was going to be an unforgettable night...

My heart quickened. A pair of hands grabbed my wrists, and another pair grabbed my ankles. Lying me flat on the bed, they proceeded to work their way towards making me cum. One cock slapped against my face. Another was brought to my lips. Random hands kneaded and fondled my breasts, and I could feel the warm breath of someone making his way down between the space in my legs that was getting wetter by the second. He flicked my clit with his tongue, and I moaned in pleasure, clenching tightly at the cock that was sliding in and out of my mouth. The blindfold prevented me from seeing who my lovers were, but my senses were heightened by this, and every touch, every smell, every sound was magnified.

The cocks belonging to the men up by my head quickly switched to resting in my hands. I worked each one, grasping and pumping, feeling the hardness in my palms like steel poles. I felt the head of one's dick near my pussy, and I could feel my body being pulled to it like a magnet. I wanted cock. I wanted my pussy to engulf each dick that was in that room.

But they were teasing me, waiting for the moment when I would beg to get fucked. I could feel my pussy getting wetter and wetter, my clit and my lips swelling, as I began to thrust up and down, showing the men in the room how ready I was to have someone ride me. I moaned, "Please daddy, please...Tell them to fuck me now. I want a cock in my pussy."

With that, someone's huge cock entered me and I gasped, then moaned, feeling the fullness of his dick thrusting in and out, in and out. I had a cock in my mouth now, another cock in one hand, and someone's tongue licking at my nipples all at the same time. This was almost too much to bear, and I could feel my orgasm begin to rise, ready to plateau at any moment now.

But whoever was fucking me quickly pulled out and another cock entered me just as quickly, not missing a beat. This one was smaller, but thicker...I could feel different sensations this time, and I reveled in how wonderful it felt to have a variety of cocks here at my disposal. The thrusts came faster, so I pumped at the cock in my hand faster, and I could tell that whoever's cock was in my mouth was just about ready to burst. I was ready to cum now as well, and my thrusts began to match those of the person who was fucking me now.

My breaths and moans were coming faster now, and I could feel myself ready to hit that point where I felt like I was going to erupt. I shuddered, and suddenly I came hard, screaming, saying, "Oh god, fuck me! Fuck me!"

My blindfold was pulled off at that moment, and I almost didn't want to open my eyes. I was just cumming down off my climax, and I slowly began to adjust to the scene before me. There were five men standing around me, my husband behind his video camera smiling. He said, "Baby, let me see you drink up all their cum."

I smiled widely. "Oh yes, please," I said.

I knelt before these fuckers. All different shapes, all different sizes, but all hard and ready to cum on my face. I opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out in anticipation, all the while looking up at them with the sexiness that only being freshly fucked can bring. Two of them came at almost the same time, one almost hitting me in the eye, and I laughed in pleasure. I was getting the cum bath I had been looking forward to, the one I had fantasized about for a while now. The feel of all that cum on my face and dripping down into my mouth almost made me cum again. I licked at it, and another cock spurted at me, this time hitting my mouth perfectly. "Yummmmm," I moaned. "Thank you."

Cum was spilling down onto my breasts, and I started rubbing it into my skin, feeling the gooey goodness and stickiness cling to me. I caught a glimpse of my husband out of the corner of my eye. He was catching all of this on tape, and I smiled at the thought of replaying it again and again. My own private porno, and an incredible memory I won't soon forget.

I said, "Honey, I hope you have enough tape, because I'm far from done here."

I looked up at the men above me. "Who's ready for Round Two?"

Any Takers?

2007-03-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

best of craigslist : My Turtle Needs A Booty Call

I Love Craigslist.

I Think I'm Turning Japanese, I Really Think So

2007-03-21T16:05:00.000-07:00

I've got to hand it to the Japanese. They sure are an inventive bunch. Still, it's hard to believe that the same land that gifted us with the wonders of sumo wrestling, samurai, and sushi has also infected the viral video network with a Japanese Kitten Rock Band, Live Action Pac-Man, Robot Exercise, and now finally, a video demonstrating an Asian School Girl Fart Fetish.

The Japanese are wonderful fetishists. Hentai, Shibari, Bukkake, Omorashi, and Even This...all widely recognized and celebrated by the Japanese. Now, we can add fart fetish to the list. (I'm not exactly sure what the Japanese word for that is.) Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Technorati Tags:japanese sex, fetish, fart, hentai, bukkake, omorashi, shibari, asian school girl, viral video

Look What I Can Do, Ma!

2007-03-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

I have always envied men and their penises. The ability to pee standing up has got to be one of the top 5 advantages of being a man. Being able to cum on a woman's face might be a tad bit better, but I'm not sure about that. But I digress.

This product, the P-Mate, finally gives women what they've been wishing for every Christmas since they were out of diapers. My only question is, why didn't I think of this? Apparently, some genius Dutch woman beat me to it.

The greatest thing about this product is that you can use it more than once. Yes, you heard me. Just like a penis, jiggle it a little, stick it back in your purse, and you're set for another 100 miles on the freeway. Unlike that crazy astronaut, now women don't have to resort to wearing diapers when they have to make a trip cross-country. Granted, they'll have to stand at the side of the road and endure honks and comments like, "Shake that penis, Shemale!" from passers-by, but who cares? I, for one, would do almost anything to be able to point and shoot like my male counterparts. Now I just need to work on the cumshot...

Technorati Tags:pmate, cumshot, diapers, urinal

Chocolate Willy Wonka Factory

2007-03-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

Chocolate Willy Clone

I know this isn't news, but have you seen this thing? I recently received this Chocolate Penis Molding Kit, and I've got to tell you, whoever designed this thing is a genius. The only bad part about it is that it melts, and if your lover has an exceptional dong, eating it could take more than one session, leaving a chocolate-y mess and a chocolate dong that might end up looking like a rather unsavory log of poo. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, this is your dream come true. I have yet to test the product on my husband, but I'll make sure to write a review once I do. Regardless, this will make a great gift for the chocoholic sexaholic in your life, which I guess was what my friends were thinking when they gave it to me.

Technorati Tags:chocolate, penis, sex toys

Sex Advice From...

2007-03-18T22:53:00.000-07:00

Here's a great link to put in your RSS News Reader: Nerve.com's Sex Advice From...

http://rss.nerve.com/sexadvicefrom/

Each week they choose a group of people like Country Musicians, Pillow Fighters, Rock Climbers, and this week, Irish-Americans to dispense advice to the masses. Funny, informative, and a great read. That's my shameless plug for the day.

Beware of What Happens After Dark

2007-03-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

First of all, Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! If you aren't suffering from indigestion because of too much corned beef and cabbage or nursing what's sure to be a nasty hangover from too much green beer, consider this: Wikipedia. Now, it may seem like I'm new to the concept of the Internet and all this new-fangled technology, but I am amazed by what you can learn from Wikipedia these days. For example, that the comedian Sinbad is dead. That's news to me. Or that John Siegenthaler, the founding editorial director of USA Today, was responsible for the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy.

If you're aware of the infamous mistakes that have gone uncorrected on Wikipedia, then it will not comfort you to know that there is now an adult version of the site, called Wiki After Dark. Actually, I don't know how long it's been around, but I just recently stumbled upon it after following a link about Nasal Sex. I think it's great that you can learn about such things on the World Wide Web, in the comfort of your own home, wondering silently to yourself if the person who contributed the article has ginormous nostrils. But, I'm somewhat disturbed by this wealth of information. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against it, but I don't want impressionable young pre-teens coming across incorrect information and upholding it as truth. Nor do I want horny, desperate perverted men with nothing better to do with their time contributing such articles just for kicks. 'Cuz I kinda get the feeling that these might be just the people who do write the articles for this site. Case in point: An article entitled "The Tricks and Treats" where stupid pet tricks like the Dirty Sanchez and the Veal Cutlet are listed and enumerated in detail. I'm picturing Dustin Dimond aka "Screech" having a light-bulb-above-his-head moment at his computer one night, and thus, a star was reborn.

There are, however, some good points to having sites like Wiki After Dark. Guys can learn how to go down on a girl without having to ask their dads and they can also learn how to shave their pubic hair without having to discreetly ask their older sister how she waxes her bikini line. So far, the only articles I've come across are obviously directed towards men -- how to's on titty fucking, eating a girl out, and giving a facial are just to name a few. Maybe now, my little brother will stop stealing my pornos and start using the computer to actually learn something, just like everyone else.

Technorati Tags:adult, wiki, after dark, sex advice

Fantasy Friday - All That She Wants, Part II

2007-03-16T17:33:00.000-07:00

...all I could see before me was darkness because of the blindfold that was tied tightly around my head. He began to undress me, and I wondered whose hands would be touching me next....

The thought that my husband was going to let other men, strangers, fuck me was almost too exciting for me to handle. The familiar wetness between my legs and the tingling feeling in my body began to overwhelm me. I began squeezing my pussy tightly in anticipation of the cocks that would be pummeling it later. It was virtually involuntary, this throbbing and rippling feeling in my cunt, as I could feel his breath and his lips kissing my neck, carefully working his way down to my nipples, flicking one nipple with his tongue while he pinched the other with his hand. I let out a muffled, guttural moan. His other hand was holding my wrists captive behind my back, and he slowly began kissing his way down my stomach. He made his way down past my belly button, licking expertly, just the way I liked it. He fondled my clit and dipped his finger into my already sopping wet pussy.

"Oh, baby you're so wet. You wanna be fucked, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy," I replied, remembering that calling him "Daddy" turned him on like crazy.

Almost instantly, he stood up, and brought one of my hands to his cock, allowing me to feel just how turned on he really was.

"Daddy, do you want to fuck me?" I asked in an innocent and sultry-sounding voice while I gently squeezed and fondled his hard cock.

"No, baby. I want to see you get fucked. And I want to see you be the cumslut you really are."

"Yes, Daddy," I said obediently. With that, he pushed me to my knees and I found his rock-hard cock pressing against my lips. Still, the blindfold around my head heightened my senses, and the feeling of his cock in my mouth both surprised and excited me.

I took his cock willingly into my mouth, almost taking it down my throat. The sound of my gagging while he fucked my mouth only made him thrust harder, and I could feel his hand on the back of my head pushing me towards him as he said, "Take it down your throat, baby. All the way down. Yes, baby...that's a good cockwhore. Are you a good cockwhore?"

I paused and withdrew only to say, "Yes, Daddy," and I quickly resumed what I was doing just to show him how good I really was.

I slid my mouth up and down his shaft, all the while moving my tongue all around it simultaneously, letting spit drip down my chin. This was the candy I wanted. I wanted him to give it to me.

Yet, instead of continuing to fuck my face, he pulled away, and I let my mouth drop open, protesting his withdrawal.

"Oh Daddy, I want your cock in my mouth," I whimpered. I was met with silence, and all I could hear was his footsteps walking away from me. There I was, kneeling on the floor of our bedroom, blindfolded and naked, soaking wet and waiting for what would come next.

The next thing I knew, I could feel my hands being tied behind my back. While the rope was circling my wrists, I once again heard footsteps toward me, but I heard my husband's voice from behind me. He was the one tying the rope.

His voice, husky and low, was in my ear. "Baby, this is Ryan. He's been watching you this whole time. I want you to show him what a good cockwhore you are."

"Yes, Daddy," I said, and I quickly opened my mouth, waiting for this unfamiliar cock to fill it.

A deep moan came from my throat as I felt a thick, hard cock enter my mouth slowly. He was obviously thicker than my husband, and I could tell that he was as excited as I was. I went at it with abandon, the saliva welling up in my mouth and slathering his penis with it, moaning to myself as he grabbed my long, thick hair in his hand and guided me up and down his shaft. I heard a slight moan from above me.

Ryan said, "Yeah, you're a good cockwhore. Mmmm." I wondered what he looked like. His voice sounded young, and I pictured what it must have looked like to an outsider looking in on this scene. Here I was, blindfolded, hands tied behind my back, sucking some guy's cock while my husband sat on the bed watching us. If I knew my husband, he probably had his camcorder out recording us.

He said, "Baby, gag on his cock and take it down your throat just like you did for me."

"Yes Daddy," I said again. I could her the pleasure in Ryan's moans and the quickness of his breath as he continued to push in and out of my mouth. I imagined he was looking down on me, watching my lips, seeing his cock become slicker by the second. I could feel my saliva dripping down my throat, onto my breasts.

Ryan withdrew, and I could feel him helping me up off my knees, guiding me somewhere. I acquiesced, staggering slightly and feeling a bit off balance, but still wanting to get a cock, anyone's cock, in my mouth again.

I walked a few steps then encountered the bed, and my hands were set free. I was turned, guided to lie on the bed, and all I heard were footsteps all around me, as if I was being descended upon. I felt two, maybe three people sitting down around me on the bed. My breath caught quickly, and I swallowed in anticipation of what surely was going to be an unforgettable night...

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK....Stay Tuned for the shuddering climax next Fantasy Friday for All That She Wants, Part III.

Technorati Tags:sex, fucking, fantasy, erotica, blindfold, bondage, blowjob, cocksucking, orgy

No Child Left Behind and What Else I Did on My Summer Vacation

2007-03-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently, the myth that teachers are a puritanical bunch with good morals and strong convictions with a deep sense of right and wrong, is all a bunch of horseshit. Excuse my language, but lately I've been noticing quite a few headlines about teachers getting arrested for corrupting 14 year olds, performing lewd acts with students, having sex with their pupils, and god knows what else. I know we have a shortage of teachers, but for fuckssake people! Did we somehow manage to hire only from a pool of horny, pathetic, desperate and undersexed women?

This is a matter close to my heart, because yes, I am a teacher. (Shh...don't tell anyone). I taught middle school for a few years and then moved to elementary, and now, while I'm in the process of getting my Master's Degree in Education, I write a blog about sex. OK, so I'm not one to talk. BUT, I do not, nor have I ever, entertained the thought that one of my students could be my lovers. Like, EWWWWW.

Top 5 reasons: (drum roll, please)...

Number 5 - They smell. Almost like B.O. laced with really bad cologne from the drug store or just plain old pre-pubescent stink and morning breath cocktail. Which is sooo not good.

Number 4 - They were born in the 90s. They never watched an episode of the REAL Charlie's Angels, and have no concept of what a typewriter or rotary phone are. Conversation would revolve around their MySpace page and them bragging about how many friends they have. BOOOORRRRING.

Number 3 - Said conversation would probably take place via text messaging. And I'm not that good with my thumbs.

Number 2 - I'd get really tired of having to buy them booze.

and

Number 1 Reason why I would never date my students:
IT'S ILLEGAL AND WRONG.

Granted, there are some things that I like to do that are illegal in some states and "wrong" in some people's minds, but children are off-limits. The thought that these teachers are putting a stain on the teaching profession by committing these acts infuriates me, and the fact that they've forever changed the lives of these kids for the worse instead of the better, makes me want to spit.

But, I'd like to end on a positive note. For every one of these sex offenders, there are at least 100 good teachers and 50 great teachers and possibly even 10 exceptional teachers who work their asses off and really do make a positive difference in many children's lives. And, I know of at least one teacher who is extremely smart, sexy, knows how to have ADULT fun, and could probably teach you a thing or two. She writes a really great sex blog and can swing with the best of 'em. Anyone need lessons?

Technorati Tags:teacher, lewd acts, sex, sex offenders, sex news