Is It Just Me...

...or is this voting ad hot???



For some reason, black tape makes Jessica Alba so much more attractive to me.

Sex Ed for Dummies

I can't help myself. I said I wouldn't talk about all this election season shit again, but here I am, and like everyone else in the blogosphere, I've got to put my two cents in and state my opinion as if those of you reading (all two of you) really do care what the fuck I think.

The only good thing to come out of this McCain-Palin love affair is that FINALLY the media is starting to focus on the severely ignored and oft-shortchanged topic of sex education. Admittedly, it's a hotbed issue, challenging middle America's puritanical sensibilities, testing our liberal smugness, and forcing us to realize that the way we deal with sex in America is something short of ignorant, immature, and idiotic. Don't agree? Watch this video about how they deal with sex education in Holland, and you'll quickly concur: The Dutch do it openly, at school, and often...and it seems like that's the way it should be done. (I'm printing that on a bumper sticker, by the way. Only, it will read, "...and they make good cheese.")

Last week, the op-ed piece in the New York Times, entitled "Let's Talk About Sex," points out that,

"We need to take some bold steps beyond the borders of our moralizing and discomfort and create a sex education infrastructure that actually acknowledges reality and protects our children from unwanted pregnancies, or worse."

Amen, brother! Finally, some sense in the world.

What enrages me, more than anything else, is the fact that the McCain-Palin camp is painting the idea of "sex education" as something horrible and degenerate, almost as horrific as the L-word itself. (L as in Liberal) Here's their latest attack ad:



In it, they state that Obama endorsed "comprehensive sex education" to kindergartners. The Huffington Post outlines what the ad says and sets the record straight, outlining Obama's true stance and reporting Obama's response to the attack. Let me point out that the ad, like so many right-wing, backward-thinking policies, appeals to people's ignorance and fear. They ask, "Learning about sex before they learn to read?" (gasp! oh the horror!), as if liberal priorities are askew and amoral. Someone needs to tell the McCain camp that kindergartners often learn to masturbate before they learn to read, too. But that's beside the point.

What is clear, and what we need to have a forthright discussion about, is the fact that the U.S. has the second highest teen birth rate among 46 developed countries, and U.S. teens are less likely to use contraception than their international counterparts, despite the fact that their sexual habits are pretty much the same. More alarming is the fact that cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis in the U.S. have all been on the increase in the past few years, putting teens more at risk than ever before.

But, those aren't the things you hear. What you do hear are the same, tired mantras that people who are ignorant of the facts and who choose to live in denial find comfort in hearing: Teens shouldn't have sex, teens should be taught to abstain rather than be safe, sex education is bad. It's the same message my mom gave me when I was young and innocent, when she was trying so hard to keep me young and innocent and was too ashamed and ignorant to tell me otherwise.

It's our ignorance that the conservative politicians in this election are counting on and hoping for. They want to keep us ignorant of the facts and dazzle us with tales of heroism, woo us with images of a wholesome, outdoorsy, small-town girl, and make us long for the days when women wore chastity belts, men were manly men, and life was like a box of chocolates.

Here's hoping that America isn't as dumb as they think.

So Much for Family Values

Regardless of what side of the political fence you happen to stand on, one thing is clear: There's nothing like Sex to get all hosts of people talking about you and your campaign. The Scandal! The Hypocrisy! The Sex! The Excuses! The Spin! The Sex!

As we all know, sex has been the downfall of many a politician, whether he solicited the services of a high-price call girl, or had a wide stance, or simply exchanged emails and IMs with an underage page. And that's just in the last few years, people. I could go on and on about the scandals that have dotted - nay, smeared, - the political landscape for decades, in all their strange, fetid forms, the entire world over.

The latest political sex scandal to hit the Internets is that of John McCain's VP pick, Sarah Palin and her 17-year-old daughter, who is unwed, underage, and 5 months pregnant. This, of course, is not the scandal. It is that the daughter of a conservative Republican who opposes sex education where contraception is taught and who favors abstinence-only education, is now in the national spotlight showing the world that teaching abstinence-only just doesn't cut it in getting teenagers to abstain. Teenagers will have sex. Even teenagers who grew up in conservative households. ESPECIALLY teenagers who grew up in conservative households. When will conservatives figure this out?

What I find incredibly ironic is that this particular "sex scandal" has more to do with the issues at hand than any other sex scandal that has plagued a campaign in recent history. Sure, all those politicians who try to cover up their propensities for gay trysts and illicit sexcapades should be chastised for hiding behind ultra-conservative, right-wing dogmas. They are obviously in severe denial and suffering from years and years of sexual repression and pent-up sexual frustration. This is different. This is a case where a politician's beliefs and values are challenged by the very reason she upholds those beliefs and values -- her family, and when there is evidence to support the case for a reevaluation and reexamination of her platform, it is quickly dismissed. Pundits and spin doctors alike chalk it up to the fact that the candidate is indeed "human" and that a mother shouldn't be held responsible for a 17-year-old daughter's faults. Bullshit. Your "family values" are now being put to the test, and all you can do is shrug your shoulders and say "values shmalues, leave us alone" ??? This is hypocrisy at its height.

Enough of me on my soapbox. I just hope this woman isn't elected. Otherwise, we'll have four more years of rose-colored glasses, convenient amnesia, and a government that refuses to see how silly their puritanical policies are.

For an entertaining AND educational podcast on sex, go to The Midwest Teen Sex Show or get your sex questions answered at Scarleteen.com.

This Has Nothing To Do with Sex, but Oh Well.

Here's something I don't quite get: Nude bicycling. Even more perplexing: Nude people on bicycles trying to prove a point -- one that, oddly enough, has nothing to do with nudity or bicycles. I mean, I get the whole idea of people getting on their bikes and converging to form a massive brigade dedicated to a certain aim. Why walk when you can bike, right? And I also understand the idea behind shedding your garments to draw attention to your specific cause. Why wear a slogan emblazoned T-shirt when you can flash your boobs AND spray paint your slogan on your ass at the same time, right? But who thought getting naked and riding a bike was a good idea? Obviously someone who's never heard of chafing.

Take the World Naked Bike Ride, for example. Even they admit on their website that it's "the craziest, wildest, most insane event of the year." I know, right? Only crazy people would straddle a hard, vinyl-covered bicycle seat with nothing but sweat between it and their delicate genitalia. The Naked Bicyclists state, "We face automobile traffic with our naked bodies as the best way of defending our dignity..." Um, I think your dignity went out the window the minute you donned a stuffed coyote bicycle helmet and painted racing stripes up and down your naked body...AND THEN, decided to ride a bike naked. (See aforementioned WNBR website for proof of this fashion faux pas.)

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what they're trying to do. Heaven forbid if I should fault them for trying to make a difference in this fucked up world and challenging society's taboos to boot. For me, though, I think I'll protest in a way that's just a little less, I dunno, painful, maybe? Like riding tandem on a recumbent bicycle while someone else pedals and I sit with my bullhorn yelling, "Eat more cock, less meat!"

And that, my friends, is just how strangely my mind works on this lazy Monday afternoon.