This Has Nothing To Do with Sex, but Oh Well.

Here's something I don't quite get: Nude bicycling. Even more perplexing: Nude people on bicycles trying to prove a point -- one that, oddly enough, has nothing to do with nudity or bicycles. I mean, I get the whole idea of people getting on their bikes and converging to form a massive brigade dedicated to a certain aim. Why walk when you can bike, right? And I also understand the idea behind shedding your garments to draw attention to your specific cause. Why wear a slogan emblazoned T-shirt when you can flash your boobs AND spray paint your slogan on your ass at the same time, right? But who thought getting naked and riding a bike was a good idea? Obviously someone who's never heard of chafing.

Take the World Naked Bike Ride, for example. Even they admit on their website that it's "the craziest, wildest, most insane event of the year." I know, right? Only crazy people would straddle a hard, vinyl-covered bicycle seat with nothing but sweat between it and their delicate genitalia. The Naked Bicyclists state, "We face automobile traffic with our naked bodies as the best way of defending our dignity..." Um, I think your dignity went out the window the minute you donned a stuffed coyote bicycle helmet and painted racing stripes up and down your naked body...AND THEN, decided to ride a bike naked. (See aforementioned WNBR website for proof of this fashion faux pas.)

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what they're trying to do. Heaven forbid if I should fault them for trying to make a difference in this fucked up world and challenging society's taboos to boot. For me, though, I think I'll protest in a way that's just a little less, I dunno, painful, maybe? Like riding tandem on a recumbent bicycle while someone else pedals and I sit with my bullhorn yelling, "Eat more cock, less meat!"

And that, my friends, is just how strangely my mind works on this lazy Monday afternoon.

No, Grandpa, a Nudie Camp is NOT My Idea of Fun

Nudists Try to Attract Younger Following | The Huffington Post

Oh those crazy nudists. They're at it again. Trying to get more people to accept their lifestyle and say, "I'm Here. I'm Naked. And I'm Proud." Apparently nudist camps are starting to look more like New Horizons Assisted Living Facility hopped up on Ecstasy than the hotbed of young, taut, nubile bodies that they really want to attract. So, their solution is to offer discounts to college students and have a mentoring program where young nudists, you know, persuade other young people to be, well, nude. Because, of course, if it were some old guy in a yellow cap and nothing else on, it would be kinda creepy.

The problem with their plan is that their senior marketing managers probably have not set foot into a nightclub or bar recently. One look at all the exposed flesh in one of those places, and you'd think you were at a nude beach. Plus there are more people their age there. It wouldn't be like you were stuck at the bar talking to grandpa and wishing you could trim his ear hair. They already have a place to frolic and prance around in the nude: Burning Man. And Daddy McNudist wouldn't be knocking on their tents at night tellin' em to quit smoking that damn marijuana.

Technorati Tags: nudists, nude recreation, burning man

And the World is a Better Place Because of It

Thousands strip off for world's biggest nude photoshoot | the Daily Mail

So Mexico might not have a strong economy or clean drinking water, but they do have donkey shows and now this. Apparently, a Brooklyn artist who uses naked bodies as the subjects of his artwork, filled a whole plaza in Mexico City with 18,000 naked bodies. He even got a man in a wheelchair. And the great thing about the event was that most of the participants saw it as a show of patriotic solidarity rather than a chance to show off their private parts to the world. In between shots, they sang Mexican folk songs. I can't help but think that if there was a photo shoot this big in the U.S., half of the crowd might not even know the national anthem. And then the LAPD would show up and start pelting people with rubber bullets. Ouch.

Technorati Tags:naked art, public nudity