Boozy John and the Thieving Whore

If I were smart enough and had more creativity than the ounce that I struggle to keep now, I would create a mildly successful and wildly entertaining screenplay based on the Adventures of Boozy John. Who's Boozy John you ask? Well, I'll tell you. He's the 38-year-old guy who woke up one morning and told himself that he needed to change his loser status. He rolled out of his futon, yelled at his mom to leave him alone, and looked in the mirror and said, "John, enough of this life of Taco Bell every night and bootleg porn to while away the lonely hours before dawn. You've got to make a change." So, in a moment of spontaneity, he decides to get a $62,000 cash advance on his credit cards and, intending to spend the cash fairly quickly, stuffs all of it into a duffle bag. Then, cash in tow, Boozy John gets on his bike (yes, his BIKE) and rides to the local bar, indulging in numerous glasses of cognac (because, y'know, he's rich now, and HE'S CLASSY). Unfortunately, John fails to realize how intoxicating 12 glasses of cognac can be, and drunk off the power of 62,000 crisp one-dollar bills in his bag and the hard liquor now marinating his liver, Boozy John decides to get a hooker. Not just any hooker, mind you. He had to find one that was willing to hop on the handlebars of a ten-speed operated by a drunk, middle-aged bicyclist reeking of cognac and Taco Bell. (Believe it or not, a hooker like that isn't hard to find. Trust me, don't ask me how I know.) Enter Jessica Garcia, a 30-year-old streetwalker who was willing to duck into an abandoned building and give Boozy John a $30 blow job. After one whiff of his stale breath, Jessica senses an opportunity, especially after Boozy John boasts of his ability to cum in 2 seconds and slurs in her ear that he had $62,000 in cash in his duffle bag. Before you know it, dear readers, John is out cold, fly unzipped, cum stains on his corduroys, bike stolen, and the duffle bag nowhere to be found.

I wish I could say this were my story, but (as they say) truth is stranger than fiction. Don't believe me? Here's the article: Cops: Hooker swipes $62G from boozy john. My only question is, couldn't he have splurged on a cab or, I dunno, a savings account? I can only hope that he got a good blow job at least. Perhaps he and the would-be porn inspector should get together and write their own screenplay based on their lives. It would be the first porno based on a true story.

And So the Name Game Begins...

'I Abhor Injustice,' Alleged Madam Says - washingtonpost.com

I can't wait to see who else is on this D.C. Madam's list. So far, one deputy secretary of state, Randall Tobias, has resigned after confirming that he used "gals...to give me a massage." Hmmmmm, with a happy ending perhaps?? The thing that irks me about all this is not that a public official hired escorts, but the idea that this public official is in charge of overseeing abstinence-only programs abroad. When will this administration ever learn, like any good Christian, that they've got to practice what they preach?

Technorati Tags: D.C. Madam, prostitution

Fantasy Friday: Cum Play Dress Up with Me, Part Two

He drives a couple of blocks to an empty parking lot and finds a spot where it's dark enough that no one will notice.
I say, "You have to pay me first."
He chuckles a bit to himself, but reaches for his wallet, and says, "You better be a good little cumslut if you're gonna get my hard-earned cash."
"Don't worry," I say, "You'll get your money's worth."

I grab the cash from his hands, stuff it down my bra, and turn towards him. "So, baby, show me that hard cock of yours."

I unbutton his pants and begin to work his zipper while he grabs my breasts.
"God your breasts are nice and big. I love that cleavage of yours," he says while I take his cock in my hand.
He gasps when I put it full on into my mouth, my lips closing tightly around it. I stop long enough to say, "Baby, your cock feels so good in my mouth."
He begins to thrust a little each time my mouth goes down to the base of his cock. This time, my knees are on the car seat, and my ass is up in the air. He reaches up my skirt and begins to rub my pussy. "Oooh, you're wet," he says.
"Yeah baby, I get wet when I suck a good cock."
He slowly slides one finger in my pussy. "mmmmmm," I say. "I like that."
He pulls his finger out, tells me to look at him, and sucks on his finger like it's covered in honey.
"Fuck, you turn me on," I say.
"Yeah? You wanna fuck me?" he asks.

Technorati Tags:erotica, prostitution, cockwhore, cumslut