Lick my Purity Balls, Baby

Would you pledge your virginity to your father?: News: glamour.com

So this is somewhat disturbing and VERY weird. These Purity Balls have gained popularity among right-wing evangelical Christians and spurned them on to promote chastity and virginity among their youth in a fashion that's a cross between a debutante ball and a weird Mormon marriage ceremony. If you read the article, you'll see that these fathers want to protect their dear little daughters against the big, bad sex monster, pledging to fight for their chastisty while the daughters promise to remain pure. My guess? Half of these 15 year olds have probably already sucked a guy's dick or held one in their hand, while a small percentage of them probably have had anal sex. But, of course, that doesn't count. Any self-respecting Catholic girl will tell you, taking it up the ass is the best way to ensure you're telling the truth at confession and the best way to prevent the death of the maiden -- pregnancy. I believe that these girls will "wait until marriage" just like I believe that Paris Hilton will remain celibate for a year. Puh-leeese. I feel sorry for these young women. Granted, they may have incredible relationships with their fathers, but their future husbands are going to have a lot to contend with and way more than that to live up to. AND once their marriage starts to go awry, these has-been virgins will go out whoring to make up for lost time, and not even do it safely cuz they never were taught how to in the first place, for fear that it would make them promiscuous. God help us. God help us all.

Technorati Tags: purity ball, celibacy, virginity, chastity, sex advice, anal sex, sex education, Paris Hilton

It's Fantasy Friday! Here She Cums...

As an Asian woman, I've pretty much fulfilled the classic Asian submissive role during sex play. With my husband, I am almost always submissive, allowing him to do some light BDSM play and really getting off on it. I absolutely LOVE getting my hair pulled while he's fucking me from behind, but that's another story. Lately, I've had the urge to explore a more dominant role in sex, only not with my husband but with another woman, preferably of the Asian persuasion, with big boobs and a love of light BDSM play as well. I want to be the dominant one, spanking the woman's ass, spanking her pussy, pinching her nipples with clothespins, and a whole host of other things that she will enjoy. Here's the scenario:

I'm the mistress, the dominant one, and she is the sex slave. She's not allowed to speak unless spoken to, and she is only allowed to say, "Yes, Mistress." My husband will be in the room, but he is solely there to observe. He is not allowed to participate unless I tell him to. My sex slave will be forced to get on her knees, naked, with her hands tied behind her back. I will begin to engage in some nipple play, teasing her nipples, pinching them with clothespins, twisting them, and forcing her to suck on mine. The pleasure I receive is in knowing that she loves being treated this way. The more intense the better. As I spank her ass, I know that with each smack of my hand, her pussy gets wetter, and I get to lick that all up when I'm done torturing her.

I begin to employ the use of toys. I get out the butt plug and begin to lube it up, but only a bit, because I know that she enjoys the sting when it enters her asshole.
I thrust it into her ass and make her wince, then pull it out forcefully, making her suck on it. This is only the beginning.

For now, I will make her kneel in the center of the room, her hands tied behind her back tightly, a ball gag in her mouth, and a butt plug up her ass. I'll let her stay that way for a bit while I go enjoy a glass of wine with my hubby. When I return, she'll have much more in store for her, and I'll have her licking me in no time...
TO BE CONTINUED.
More Asian Girl Girl action, free pics and movies

Technorati Tags:BDSM, femdom, nipple play, sex slave

One More Reason to Love Drew Barrymore

Drew Barrymore Does Jane Magazine | Celebrity News Live!
Yes, I realize I have been remiss in mentioning Paris Hilton in my blog posts of late, but do not fear! She will return, just like she always does. In the meantime, I am going to follow up yesterday's post about Courtney Cox with another celebrity-based post (sorry!). Cuz you know, some days I just don't feel like writing an essay on teen pregnancy or sex fetishes.

My high school obsession with Drew Barrymore has now resurfaced. Granted, she's been quite the media whore lately, gracing the covers of Glamour magazine and the like and making me quite nauseated with this upscale and chic persona. Whatever happened to the breast-baring, flower child, I-don't-give-a-fuck Drew Barrymore that I grew up loving and idolizing? Well, she's not forever lost. In the new issue of Jane magazine, Drew talks about how free-thinking she is when it comes to sex, and suddenly, I feel like I'm back in high school again. Then, in other news, Jane editor Jane Pratt reveals that she once had a sexual relationship with Drew (like that's a surprise?!) in what looks to me like a silly attempt to sell more magazines. I always knew that Drew was bisexual. She may not admit it or identify herself as that, but I sense in her the soul of a truly sexual being, enjoying the activity whether it be male or female or David Letterman. Or Courtney Love for that matter. BTW, I always thought there was some threesome action going on with Drew, Courtney, and Mr. Edward Norton. And another aside, what kind of man goes from Courtney Love to Salma Hayek? An obviously talented one, of course. Anyway, I think I've dropped enough celeb names in this posts to get me maybe a dozen more readers. So, thanks for indulging my sudden reinfatuation with Drew and my complete surrender to the vacuum that is Hollywood.

Technorati Tags: Drew Barrymore, Jane magazine, bisexual, sexual freedom, Courtney Love, Edward Norton, Salma Hayek, David Letterman, celebrities

The Kiss Heard Round the World

I hate to admit it, but I was curious. Just like everyone else. But, I'll save you the time and hassle and tell you it's nothing to be excited about. Jennifer Aniston plays herself just as she usually does in every fucking role she has, and Courtney Cox looks like she specifically got collagen injections for this scene. The kiss is lame, totally non-erotic, and so not worth the hype. Best friends kissing, big fucking deal. Give me some hot asian lez action with full on licking and fingering and shit like that, and then come talk to me.

Technorati Tags: Courtney Cox, Jenifer Aniston, lesbian, kissing, dirt

No Truer Words Were Ever Spoken

For Guy Virgins: Basic Things No One Told Me About Sex

When I read this article, I picture some pimply-faced, skinny, paler than dust white guy who just got his braces off typing furiously at his computer. This was the same guy who, in high school, sat next to me in the back of the room in geometry class and passed around old copies of Penthouse to his geeky friends while I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disgust. Still, I've got to hand it to him, he pretty much wrote a manifesto to all his geeky friends in this article. Dispelling all the myths one might have about sex (if the only sex they've had is in front of a TV set with Mrs. Palmer and her five friends), this article pretty much gives it to the reader straight, no-nonsense, and to the point. From the messiness of the situation to minor injuries you might sustain while having sex (usually general clumsiness), you get it all outlined here. The only thing he forgets to mention is that not all women look like porn stars. Not all women have huge fake titties and walk around in 8-inch heels and thong bikinis. If he wants to include some basic things about sex, then he should probably touch upon the importance of being able to find a clit, regardless of how small it is or how much she keeps saying, "It really doesn't matter, I liked it anyway." In fact, here's my version of what I would tell Guy Virgins about sex: You'll probably cum in 5 seconds, be really nervous, and need an entire box of condoms before you can get one on right and be hard enough to do anything. But, relax. All you really need to know is how to make a woman feel special, like she's the only woman on earth, that you'd do anything to please her, and well, that your entire goal is not to lose your virginity but to worship her body like there were no tomorrow. That, my friend, is a surefire why to get any woman to act like a porn star and make all your porn fantasies cum true.

Technorati Tags: guy virgin, masturbation, sex, clit, how to please a woman

I Love You So Much, I Could Eat You

Brazilian Sentenced For Killing, Cooking Husband - News

Do you ever find yourself saying those words to your lover in a moment of passion? Or maybe just cuz you're hungry and his penis looks especially appetizing? Or maybe just cuz you love food so much and you love him so much it's like two dreams melded into one? Whatever the case may be, this article might strike a chord for you. A housewife in Brazil has been sentenced for killing her husband, chopping his body into small pieces, cooking it in a nice stew, frying parts of his body (you know, when she got the munchies), and hiding the remains in plastic bags beneath a staircase. YUM. Seriously, people do some strange shit, y'know? I've only briefly entertained the thought of stuffing my husband's body after he dies. Of course, his cock will have to be erect at all times and his fingers need to be in the perfect position, but that's not asking much is it? I think today's blog entry has officially moved me one step closer to hell.

Technorati Tags:weird, cooking husband, black magic ritual

What I Like to Do on a Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Guess What I Have in my Pic-a-nic Basket, Yogi.

: Vaginal bear trap protects women against rape

For all those devious, vengeful, and self-obsessed women who give the rest of us a bad name, this product would be perfect. I, on the other hand, see no point to it other than giving me something to blog about today. Apparently, the inventor of this product believes that putting this bear trap/condom up your pussy will keep would-be rapists at bay, but the only thing it protects the woman from is actual penetration of a penis - or a finger. It does not protect her from the actual violence and invasion that precedes the act, nor does it deter men from, say, fucking you up the ass. OK, so I'm being a bit cavalier about the topic, but this whole snare up my snatch thing just doesn't bode well with me. What happens if I forget it's up there and my lover happens to fancy sticking his finger up my cunt? Or maybe his tongue? I'm picturing something akin to getting yourself caught in a mousetrap or even worse, getting your penis caught in a mousetrap. How do you explain that to your urologist?

Technorati Tags: condom, rape, rapist, weird, safe sex

Fantasy Friday: All That She Wants, Part III

Click here to read All That She Wants, Part I
Click here to read All That She Wants, Part II

I walked a few steps then encountered the bed, and my hands were set free. I was turned, guided to lie on the bed, and all I heard were footsteps all around me, as if I was being descended upon. I felt two, maybe three people sitting down around me on the bed. My breath caught quickly, and I swallowed in anticipation of what surely was going to be an unforgettable night...

My heart quickened. A pair of hands grabbed my wrists, and another pair grabbed my ankles. Lying me flat on the bed, they proceeded to work their way towards making me cum. One cock slapped against my face. Another was brought to my lips. Random hands kneaded and fondled my breasts, and I could feel the warm breath of someone making his way down between the space in my legs that was getting wetter by the second. He flicked my clit with his tongue, and I moaned in pleasure, clenching tightly at the cock that was sliding in and out of my mouth. The blindfold prevented me from seeing who my lovers were, but my senses were heightened by this, and every touch, every smell, every sound was magnified.

The cocks belonging to the men up by my head quickly switched to resting in my hands. I worked each one, grasping and pumping, feeling the hardness in my palms like steel poles. I felt the head of one's dick near my pussy, and I could feel my body being pulled to it like a magnet. I wanted cock. I wanted my pussy to engulf each dick that was in that room.

But they were teasing me, waiting for the moment when I would beg to get fucked. I could feel my pussy getting wetter and wetter, my clit and my lips swelling, as I began to thrust up and down, showing the men in the room how ready I was to have someone ride me. I moaned, "Please daddy, please...Tell them to fuck me now. I want a cock in my pussy."

With that, someone's huge cock entered me and I gasped, then moaned, feeling the fullness of his dick thrusting in and out, in and out. I had a cock in my mouth now, another cock in one hand, and someone's tongue licking at my nipples all at the same time. This was almost too much to bear, and I could feel my orgasm begin to rise, ready to plateau at any moment now.

But whoever was fucking me quickly pulled out and another cock entered me just as quickly, not missing a beat. This one was smaller, but thicker...I could feel different sensations this time, and I reveled in how wonderful it felt to have a variety of cocks here at my disposal. The thrusts came faster, so I pumped at the cock in my hand faster, and I could tell that whoever's cock was in my mouth was just about ready to burst. I was ready to cum now as well, and my thrusts began to match those of the person who was fucking me now.

My breaths and moans were coming faster now, and I could feel myself ready to hit that point where I felt like I was going to erupt. I shuddered, and suddenly I came hard, screaming, saying, "Oh god, fuck me! Fuck me!"

My blindfold was pulled off at that moment, and I almost didn't want to open my eyes. I was just cumming down off my climax, and I slowly began to adjust to the scene before me. There were five men standing around me, my husband behind his video camera smiling. He said, "Baby, let me see you drink up all their cum."

I smiled widely. "Oh yes, please," I said.

I knelt before these fuckers. All different shapes, all different sizes, but all hard and ready to cum on my face. I opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out in anticipation, all the while looking up at them with the sexiness that only being freshly fucked can bring. Two of them came at almost the same time, one almost hitting me in the eye, and I laughed in pleasure. I was getting the cum bath I had been looking forward to, the one I had fantasized about for a while now. The feel of all that cum on my face and dripping down into my mouth almost made me cum again. I licked at it, and another cock spurted at me, this time hitting my mouth perfectly. "Yummmmm," I moaned. "Thank you."

Cum was spilling down onto my breasts, and I started rubbing it into my skin, feeling the gooey goodness and stickiness cling to me. I caught a glimpse of my husband out of the corner of my eye. He was catching all of this on tape, and I smiled at the thought of replaying it again and again. My own private porno, and an incredible memory I won't soon forget.

I said, "Honey, I hope you have enough tape, because I'm far from done here."

I looked up at the men above me. "Who's ready for Round Two?"

Any Takers?

best of craigslist : My Turtle Needs A Booty Call

I Love Craigslist.

I Think I'm Turning Japanese, I Really Think So

I've got to hand it to the Japanese. They sure are an inventive bunch. Still, it's hard to believe that the same land that gifted us with the wonders of sumo wrestling, samurai, and sushi has also infected the viral video network with a Japanese Kitten Rock Band, Live Action Pac-Man, Robot Exercise, and now finally, a video demonstrating an Asian School Girl Fart Fetish.

The Japanese are wonderful fetishists. Hentai, Shibari, Bukkake, Omorashi, and Even This...all widely recognized and celebrated by the Japanese. Now, we can add fart fetish to the list. (I'm not exactly sure what the Japanese word for that is.) Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Technorati Tags:japanese sex, fetish, fart, hentai, bukkake, omorashi, shibari, asian school girl, viral video

Look What I Can Do, Ma!

I have always envied men and their penises. The ability to pee standing up has got to be one of the top 5 advantages of being a man. Being able to cum on a woman's face might be a tad bit better, but I'm not sure about that. But I digress.

This product, the P-Mate, finally gives women what they've been wishing for every Christmas since they were out of diapers. My only question is, why didn't I think of this? Apparently, some genius Dutch woman beat me to it.

The greatest thing about this product is that you can use it more than once. Yes, you heard me. Just like a penis, jiggle it a little, stick it back in your purse, and you're set for another 100 miles on the freeway. Unlike that crazy astronaut, now women don't have to resort to wearing diapers when they have to make a trip cross-country. Granted, they'll have to stand at the side of the road and endure honks and comments like, "Shake that penis, Shemale!" from passers-by, but who cares? I, for one, would do almost anything to be able to point and shoot like my male counterparts. Now I just need to work on the cumshot...

Technorati Tags:pmate, cumshot, diapers, urinal

Chocolate Willy Wonka Factory

Chocolate Willy Clone

I know this isn't news, but have you seen this thing? I recently received this Chocolate Penis Molding Kit, and I've got to tell you, whoever designed this thing is a genius. The only bad part about it is that it melts, and if your lover has an exceptional dong, eating it could take more than one session, leaving a chocolate-y mess and a chocolate dong that might end up looking like a rather unsavory log of poo. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, this is your dream come true. I have yet to test the product on my husband, but I'll make sure to write a review once I do. Regardless, this will make a great gift for the chocoholic sexaholic in your life, which I guess was what my friends were thinking when they gave it to me.

Technorati Tags:chocolate, penis, sex toys

Sex Advice From...

Here's a great link to put in your RSS News Reader: Nerve.com's Sex Advice From...

http://rss.nerve.com/sexadvicefrom/

Each week they choose a group of people like Country Musicians, Pillow Fighters, Rock Climbers, and this week, Irish-Americans to dispense advice to the masses. Funny, informative, and a great read. That's my shameless plug for the day.

Beware of What Happens After Dark

First of all, Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! If you aren't suffering from indigestion because of too much corned beef and cabbage or nursing what's sure to be a nasty hangover from too much green beer, consider this: Wikipedia. Now, it may seem like I'm new to the concept of the Internet and all this new-fangled technology, but I am amazed by what you can learn from Wikipedia these days. For example, that the comedian Sinbad is dead. That's news to me. Or that John Siegenthaler, the founding editorial director of USA Today, was responsible for the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy.

If you're aware of the infamous mistakes that have gone uncorrected on Wikipedia, then it will not comfort you to know that there is now an adult version of the site, called Wiki After Dark. Actually, I don't know how long it's been around, but I just recently stumbled upon it after following a link about Nasal Sex. I think it's great that you can learn about such things on the World Wide Web, in the comfort of your own home, wondering silently to yourself if the person who contributed the article has ginormous nostrils. But, I'm somewhat disturbed by this wealth of information. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against it, but I don't want impressionable young pre-teens coming across incorrect information and upholding it as truth. Nor do I want horny, desperate perverted men with nothing better to do with their time contributing such articles just for kicks. 'Cuz I kinda get the feeling that these might be just the people who do write the articles for this site. Case in point: An article entitled "The Tricks and Treats" where stupid pet tricks like the Dirty Sanchez and the Veal Cutlet are listed and enumerated in detail. I'm picturing Dustin Dimond aka "Screech" having a light-bulb-above-his-head moment at his computer one night, and thus, a star was reborn.

There are, however, some good points to having sites like Wiki After Dark. Guys can learn how to go down on a girl without having to ask their dads and they can also learn how to shave their pubic hair without having to discreetly ask their older sister how she waxes her bikini line. So far, the only articles I've come across are obviously directed towards men -- how to's on titty fucking, eating a girl out, and giving a facial are just to name a few. Maybe now, my little brother will stop stealing my pornos and start using the computer to actually learn something, just like everyone else.

Technorati Tags:adult, wiki, after dark, sex advice

Fantasy Friday - All That She Wants, Part II

...all I could see before me was darkness because of the blindfold that was tied tightly around my head. He began to undress me, and I wondered whose hands would be touching me next....

The thought that my husband was going to let other men, strangers, fuck me was almost too exciting for me to handle. The familiar wetness between my legs and the tingling feeling in my body began to overwhelm me. I began squeezing my pussy tightly in anticipation of the cocks that would be pummeling it later. It was virtually involuntary, this throbbing and rippling feeling in my cunt, as I could feel his breath and his lips kissing my neck, carefully working his way down to my nipples, flicking one nipple with his tongue while he pinched the other with his hand. I let out a muffled, guttural moan. His other hand was holding my wrists captive behind my back, and he slowly began kissing his way down my stomach. He made his way down past my belly button, licking expertly, just the way I liked it. He fondled my clit and dipped his finger into my already sopping wet pussy.

"Oh, baby you're so wet. You wanna be fucked, don't you?" he asked.

"Yes, Daddy," I replied, remembering that calling him "Daddy" turned him on like crazy.

Almost instantly, he stood up, and brought one of my hands to his cock, allowing me to feel just how turned on he really was.

"Daddy, do you want to fuck me?" I asked in an innocent and sultry-sounding voice while I gently squeezed and fondled his hard cock.

"No, baby. I want to see you get fucked. And I want to see you be the cumslut you really are."

"Yes, Daddy," I said obediently. With that, he pushed me to my knees and I found his rock-hard cock pressing against my lips. Still, the blindfold around my head heightened my senses, and the feeling of his cock in my mouth both surprised and excited me.

I took his cock willingly into my mouth, almost taking it down my throat. The sound of my gagging while he fucked my mouth only made him thrust harder, and I could feel his hand on the back of my head pushing me towards him as he said, "Take it down your throat, baby. All the way down. Yes, baby...that's a good cockwhore. Are you a good cockwhore?"

I paused and withdrew only to say, "Yes, Daddy," and I quickly resumed what I was doing just to show him how good I really was.

I slid my mouth up and down his shaft, all the while moving my tongue all around it simultaneously, letting spit drip down my chin. This was the candy I wanted. I wanted him to give it to me.

Yet, instead of continuing to fuck my face, he pulled away, and I let my mouth drop open, protesting his withdrawal.

"Oh Daddy, I want your cock in my mouth," I whimpered. I was met with silence, and all I could hear was his footsteps walking away from me. There I was, kneeling on the floor of our bedroom, blindfolded and naked, soaking wet and waiting for what would come next.

The next thing I knew, I could feel my hands being tied behind my back. While the rope was circling my wrists, I once again heard footsteps toward me, but I heard my husband's voice from behind me. He was the one tying the rope.

His voice, husky and low, was in my ear. "Baby, this is Ryan. He's been watching you this whole time. I want you to show him what a good cockwhore you are."

"Yes, Daddy," I said, and I quickly opened my mouth, waiting for this unfamiliar cock to fill it.

A deep moan came from my throat as I felt a thick, hard cock enter my mouth slowly. He was obviously thicker than my husband, and I could tell that he was as excited as I was. I went at it with abandon, the saliva welling up in my mouth and slathering his penis with it, moaning to myself as he grabbed my long, thick hair in his hand and guided me up and down his shaft. I heard a slight moan from above me.

Ryan said, "Yeah, you're a good cockwhore. Mmmm." I wondered what he looked like. His voice sounded young, and I pictured what it must have looked like to an outsider looking in on this scene. Here I was, blindfolded, hands tied behind my back, sucking some guy's cock while my husband sat on the bed watching us. If I knew my husband, he probably had his camcorder out recording us.

He said, "Baby, gag on his cock and take it down your throat just like you did for me."

"Yes Daddy," I said again. I could her the pleasure in Ryan's moans and the quickness of his breath as he continued to push in and out of my mouth. I imagined he was looking down on me, watching my lips, seeing his cock become slicker by the second. I could feel my saliva dripping down my throat, onto my breasts.

Ryan withdrew, and I could feel him helping me up off my knees, guiding me somewhere. I acquiesced, staggering slightly and feeling a bit off balance, but still wanting to get a cock, anyone's cock, in my mouth again.

I walked a few steps then encountered the bed, and my hands were set free. I was turned, guided to lie on the bed, and all I heard were footsteps all around me, as if I was being descended upon. I felt two, maybe three people sitting down around me on the bed. My breath caught quickly, and I swallowed in anticipation of what surely was going to be an unforgettable night...

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK....Stay Tuned for the shuddering climax next Fantasy Friday for All That She Wants, Part III.

Technorati Tags:sex, fucking, fantasy, erotica, blindfold, bondage, blowjob, cocksucking, orgy

No Child Left Behind and What Else I Did on My Summer Vacation

Apparently, the myth that teachers are a puritanical bunch with good morals and strong convictions with a deep sense of right and wrong, is all a bunch of horseshit. Excuse my language, but lately I've been noticing quite a few headlines about teachers getting arrested for corrupting 14 year olds, performing lewd acts with students, having sex with their pupils, and god knows what else. I know we have a shortage of teachers, but for fuckssake people! Did we somehow manage to hire only from a pool of horny, pathetic, desperate and undersexed women?

This is a matter close to my heart, because yes, I am a teacher. (Shh...don't tell anyone). I taught middle school for a few years and then moved to elementary, and now, while I'm in the process of getting my Master's Degree in Education, I write a blog about sex. OK, so I'm not one to talk. BUT, I do not, nor have I ever, entertained the thought that one of my students could be my lovers. Like, EWWWWW.

Top 5 reasons: (drum roll, please)...

Number 5 - They smell. Almost like B.O. laced with really bad cologne from the drug store or just plain old pre-pubescent stink and morning breath cocktail. Which is sooo not good.

Number 4 - They were born in the 90s. They never watched an episode of the REAL Charlie's Angels, and have no concept of what a typewriter or rotary phone are. Conversation would revolve around their MySpace page and them bragging about how many friends they have. BOOOORRRRING.

Number 3 - Said conversation would probably take place via text messaging. And I'm not that good with my thumbs.

Number 2 - I'd get really tired of having to buy them booze.

and

Number 1 Reason why I would never date my students:
IT'S ILLEGAL AND WRONG.

Granted, there are some things that I like to do that are illegal in some states and "wrong" in some people's minds, but children are off-limits. The thought that these teachers are putting a stain on the teaching profession by committing these acts infuriates me, and the fact that they've forever changed the lives of these kids for the worse instead of the better, makes me want to spit.

But, I'd like to end on a positive note. For every one of these sex offenders, there are at least 100 good teachers and 50 great teachers and possibly even 10 exceptional teachers who work their asses off and really do make a positive difference in many children's lives. And, I know of at least one teacher who is extremely smart, sexy, knows how to have ADULT fun, and could probably teach you a thing or two. She writes a really great sex blog and can swing with the best of 'em. Anyone need lessons?

Technorati Tags:teacher, lewd acts, sex, sex offenders, sex news

Get on the Shortbus

Shortbus - John Cameron Mitchell - Movies - Review - New York Times

One of the best films to come out this year (in my opinion), Shortbus is a great sex-positive film that will leave you with the same kind of warm-all-over giddy feeling that you get when you watch It's A Wonderful Life in your PJs by a cozy fire.

Sure, there's a lot of sex...and nudity...and gay sex...and nudity...and talk about sex...and sex, but that's not what this film is essentially about. In fact, the sex scenes are done with such a great matter-of-factness and humor that they aren't gratuitous or raunchy. I think that if you have problems with sex, you'll probably find this movie appalling, but if you're like me, and you know that sex is a natural part of life and love, then go see it now. That's my shameless plug for the day.

Technorati Tags: john cameron mitchell, shortbus, sex, movies

And Another Thing...

Car sex man enjoys sex with cars - Metro.co.uk

In stunning news that will have wide ranging implications for many years to come, a man has been found who likes having sex with cars.

The details of mechanic Chris Donald's alleged romantic vehicular liaisons have been unearthed by (naturally) The Sun - who claim that in addition to a large number of cars, Mr Donald has also done the dirty with two boats and a jetski.

Mr Donald apparently says that his sexual fetish may have been triggered by formative childhood experiences watching Knight Rider.

'When I was a young boy I used to see human qualities in cars,' he says. 'As I grew up I noticed I was having feelings towards cars and they began catching my eye in a certain way.'

Dear Lord, Thank you for the wonderful bounty you have bestowed upon me. You are so gracious. Only You, in your infinite wisdom and wicked--nay, blessed--sense of humor could have allowed me the fortuitous websurfing that I encountered today. Why, it was only yesterday I was blogging about vehicular fetishes and the logistics of fornication with an automobile. And today, miraculously, what do I find in my news aggregator but this stunning news that will have wide ranging implications for many years to come. A man, perhaps lonely but most assuredly brave, inspired by the groundbreaking and mind-altering action/drama TV classic Knight Rider -- this truly courageous and emboldened man -- has declared his sexual proclivities to the world, and yes God, I am truly grateful for it. Now if You could only do something about that heinous Hilton girl, then my life will be spent in complete and utter servitude to You. Amen.

Technorati Tags: fetish, car sex, Knight Rider, Hilton, weird

Why Dontcha Marry It?

How to make love to a car - Wipipedia

The world is such an interesting place. Particularly the world of sex. It never ceases to amaze me or make me giggle, chortle, or chuckle to myself at the wonders of human imagination and the infinite possibilities for fetishes. Think of anything, ANYTHING, and there's a fetish for it. Plushies, balloon fetishists, pantyhose bondage, angora sweaters, hairy armpits,...the variations and flavors dazzle the mind. One day I will start a website completely devoted to people who have a fetish for busty Asian women knitting angora sweaters in the nude and doing crossword puzzles with their feet. I'm sure I'd make at least enough to buy my vanilla latte in the morning.

My Internet travels took me to a site that offered advice on How To Make Love To A Car. An interesting fetish to say the least; what really intrigues me are the logistics of it. There should be a how-to video attached. This reminded me of a funny SNL skit with Chris Parnell and an intimate moment with his automobile. (Random Trivia: We recently owned a dining table once belonging to Chris Parnell. I'm sure you're jealous.) Anyway, here's the link and the video. Ain't sex grand?


Technorati Tags: fetish, car sex, auto fetish, fucking

The Pink Artichoke and The Onion

Sexual Tension Unbearable Between 15-Year-Old, Rest Of World

MELBOURNE, FL—A series of looks and non-looks from almost everyone he encounters on a daily basis has led Keith Ness to wonder if the feeling is mutual.

I love The Onion. As I was perusing articles in the Blogosphere, I came across one that I thought might bring a twinkle to your eye. Enjoy.

Technorati Tags:the onion, sexual tension, teen angst

We'll Always Have Paris

Paris Hilton says she’s celibate - Celebrity News - MSNBC.com

I wonder how many hits I'll get on this blog just for mentioning Paris Hilton. Ick. As much as I hate giving her a shameless plug on my weblog and contributing to the Twilight Zone-weirdness that is the American media, I couldn't help but make a comment about this idea of hers to stay celibate for a year. Personally, I don't think it's a choice she's making but rather a way to brush off the sad and pathetic status of her love life. I never saw the infamous sex tape and I don't know how sexual she really is, but I get the feeling that she gets orgasms from just looking in the mirror and the notches on her bedpost are the number of times she gets wet while looking at pictures of herself in the magazines she calls reading material prior to her beauty rest. Perhaps she's the poster child for our narcissistic American culture and the hard-on we get when we think of becoming famous and rich without doing any actual work to get that way. I have no doubts that there have been thesis titles involving Paris Hilton and any number of university lectures on her place in American society and pop culture. She's become an icon, as much as I hate to say it. God help me. The world must surely be coming to an end.

P.S. I've made it my personal goal to make a reference to Paris Hilton in my blog posts at least once a week. Wish me luck.

Technorati Tags: Paris Hilton, sex, celibate, narcissism

Number 5 on List of Dangerous and Disturbing Jobs

The Sun Online - TV: A jumbo tusk for scientists

MASTURBATING an elephant in the cause of science isn’t an easy job – just ask wildlife expert Dr Thomas Hildebrandt.

Just touching a jumbo penis – they measure more than 1.5metres when aroused – can have painful consequences as German scientist Dr Hildebrandt reveals.

He said: “One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant’s penis."

How'd you like to be the guy with the black eye having to explain to everyone how he got whacked in the head by an elephant's dong?

It’s a messy business as he massages Jackson’s prostate gland to produce 300ml of semen per orgasm – the equivalent of a can of Coke – which has to be airlifted in giant condoms across America to Christy.

Dumbo cumshot takes an eye out. News at 11.

When you think about it, this scientist should be applauded for doing the "hands-on" work necessary to keep our wildlife thriving. Actually, I find his job more noteworthy and noble than, say, being a car salesman or Paris Hilton's publicist. It would just be more difficult to explain on a resume.

Technorati Tags: elephant, cum, wildlife preservation, Paris Hilton

Clit Piercing, Anyone?

Agony and ecstasy: sex advice-TimesOnline

Reading the advice that was given to a reader inquiring about the dangers of clitoral piercing actually made me cringe and grab my crotch in imagined agony. While I endorse individuality and enhancing sexual pleasure in any way as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, this particular procedure almost wants to make me gag. The idea of handing my womanhood over to someone with a staple gun and a mohawk does not appeal to me, thank you very much. Unless it gave one a sexual experience that resulted in nirvana, enlightenment, and an out-of-body floaty feeling for more than half an hour, then I might consider it. But as it stands now, I think it's way too much trouble for something that might result in losing your sex drive forever.

Technorati Tags: clitoris, piercing, sex aid, body piercing

Hookups = Serious Hangups?

Book on Women's Sex 'Hookups' Draws Fire

Is "Hooking Up" such a bad thing? When we think of our younger generations engaging in casual sex, it seems like it should be. We refuse to acknowledge that our teenagers engage in sex just like we refuse to acknowledge the fact that our parents have sex or that our horny, unneutered dog has just knocked up every bitch in heat in our neighborhood.

If you're in your 40s, 'hooking up' might mean catching a friend downtown for lunch. But to people in their teens or 20s, the phrase often means a casual sexual encounter _ anything from kissing onwards _ with no strings attached.

Now a new book on this not-so-new subject is drawing fire in some quarters for its conclusion: That hookups can be damaging to young women, denying their emotional needs, putting them at risk of depression and even sexually transmitted disease, and making them ill-equipped for real relationships later on.

Is it the hookups that can be damaging or the society that frowns upon women engaging in casual sex the damaging factor? Doesn't this tell you that it's important, now more than ever, to provide frank and honest sex education to our children, instead of candy-coating it with the directive that they should just abstain and that's that? Shouldn't we be providing opportunities for young women to learn more about their potential and find alternative ways to boost their self esteem? There are too many conflicting messages out there for young women, too many images that tell them that their value is based on sex. They should learn that sex is a wonderful thing, but learning how to make your own responsible decisions is even better.


Technorati Tags: hookup, hooking up, teenage sex

Fantasy Friday: All That She Wants, Part I

I'm blindfolded. As I was working on my laptop on the sofa, he surreptitiously came up behind me with a wicked gleam in his eye and lowered the blindfold in front of me. The minute the satin mask appeared before my eyes, I began to turn in protest, but he whispered quickly in my ear, "Sshhh...Turn around. Trust me, my love. Your fantasy will come true tonight." Those words rang in my ears as I immediately obeyed and felt the warmth of sexual excitement begin to spread through my body. I smiled. He knew exactly what I wanted.

It was only a few nights before that I had expressed this fantasy to him during a particularly hot and steamy moment in bed. The feeling of his hard cock inside of me, for some reason, felt unfamiliar and new, causing me to focus on the tactile sensations of his body against mine, the way my body adjusted to his and met each thrust with just as much vigor, if not more. My senses were overwhelmed and all I could do was close my eyes and concentrate on savoring the feelings - his skin, smooth and damp, as I guided my hand down the slope of his back and rested it in the small crook that joined the strong torso above me and the thrusting pelvis that orchestrated the movements of my own body to move in time with his. The warmth and sound of his breath against my ear, his cheek against mine, his moans replying to the details that I began to share with him.

"I want to be blindfolded and fucked by five men just like you're fucking me now."

"I want to feel their cocks inside me and touch their bodies without knowing who they are. I want them to use me like a little fuck toy and give me back to you, worn but ready for more."

He began to nibble on my ear, and I could feel that he was struggling to hold himself back.

"I want to imagine the looks on their faces when they cum all over me...And I want you to watch, knowing that I belong to you and you can do whatever you want with me."

The thrusts started getting faster, and I could feel myself slick and climbing to the plateau that we both wanted so badly. The ideas that I had expressed to him made me dripping wet the moment they left my lips, and I could hear that sweet sound of sex when two bodies form their own rhythm and the friction creates the unmistakable percussion of skin against skin. I could feel my body tightening as it prepared to brace itself for the little eruption it was about to produce. He came forcefully, grunting in relief and in ecstasy at once. And I followed closely behind him, pinching my nipples as he had both hands on my hips, and he drew my body up and down on his shaft as it emptied itself into my vibrating core.

The thought of that night made me wet in anticipation, for all I could see before me was darkness because of the blindfold tied tightly around my head. He began to undress me, and I wondered whose hands would be touching me next....

TO BE CONTINUED -- stay tuned for next week's Fantasy Friday.
If you'd like to submit your own fantasy for posting, email me.

Technorati Tags:fantasy, erotica, blindfold, sex

Excuse Me, DC Madam, But You're Standing on My Cum-Stained Robe

Feds Seek To Gag D.C. Madam - March 7, 2007

Here's the story: Washington D.C. Madam gets caught for running an "escort service" that provided more than just a pretty date. Madam gets arrested on charges of racketeering and money laundering. So, the Madam and her lawyers threaten to go public with phone records of her customers, as well as other juicy information about her clientele. The prosecution turns around and files a motion to prevent her from doing such a thing and at the same time make sure that any evidence entered into court may be used for discovery but will not be a matter of public record.

I smell another Heidi Fleiss in the making -- she should start printing T-shirts now and make an appointment with a publicist so she can milk this for all it's worth. While it may be nice and tidy and comfortable for the prosecution to, in effect, suppress evidence, there is absolutely no reason for this judge to sign this motion. So what if certain Supreme Court justices might be implicated? To hell with protecting our corrupt congressmen's reputations. They willingly and knowingly engaged in an illegal transaction and should not be immune to the public ridicule that comes with such behavior.

What I'd really like to see is the world's oldest profession to finally get its due and be recognized as a legal business that has every right to make money as selling porn on the Internet or being Paris Hilton. But we all know that's not gonna happen. So, just leave the evidence alone, let the DC Madam sell her little black book on eBay, and expose those johns to the enquiring minds who so desperately want to know.

Technorati Tags: prostitution, madam, law, hookers

Payback's A Bitch

Police: Man left DVDs of ex-girlfriend in sex acts on car windshields - International Herald Tribune

RICHMOND, Virginia: Police say a man sought revenge against his ex-girlfriend by leaving homemade DVDs of her performing sex acts on car windshields throughout the area.

The DVDs include the woman's name, address and phone number.

Police said the woman never realized the acts had been recorded and has received several visits and phone calls from strangers seeking sex.

Technology makes all things possible. What will they think of next?

Technorati Tags: payback, sex news, adult dvds

4 Sex Secrets...Aren't Really Secrets Anymore

Sex Tips to Keep Him Interested: iVillage.com

When it comes to keeping a guy's interest, the way you approach sex can make all the difference.

This article from which the above quote came made me infuriated and perplexed at the same time. It was thought-provoking, but in a way that made me want to argue and defend the sexual persona of women in general. These Cosmopolitan-esque theories on how to keep the man in your life begging for more seem to be a feminist empowering mantra on the surface, but really defeat the whole idea of womanhood and sex positive ideals. Here are the secrets, as they see them:

Don't be a tease, but don't be a sure thing, either.

OK, I get that. Men don't like to be tease, not for a long duration of time anyway, and being a sure thing promotes the idea that you're a slut. But, what's wrong with putting out? Just because you do for one person doesn't mean you do for the guy at Starbucks who smiles at you when he hands you your coffee. Here's a direct quote: "On the flip side, while men are inherently lazy and do love a sure thing, you also don't want us to take you for granted." Men, did you read that? Is that true? Talk about feeding stereotypes! This incredibly sexist statement demonstrates plainly the belief that a woman's worth is instrinsically linked to our sex. ARGGGGHH!

Make him a believer, but don't oversell it.

Step Two, according to the authors of this bile-inducing, so-called expert advice. This talks about making him feel like "a man" by stroking his ego while stroking his cock at the same time and giving him praise for the things he does do right. Good advice. It's always nice to give the people you care about compliments now and then and nothing's hotter than hearing your partner whisper sweet nothings in your ear. It's basically another way to say, "Don't lie, but help him to feel good about himself." I have no problem with that. It's the next sentence I have a problem with: "A sincere compliment here and there will keep him focused on doing better by you in bed — instead of finding someone easier to please." I guess that's why men cheat -- because the women aren't patting them on the back after sex. This second step should just read: Learn Communication Skills.

I won't continue to list the other skills this article promotes, because it's just a bunch of fodder that they regurgitate in every other article you'll find like it. I do agree with the statement this blog post started out with: the way you approach sex can make all the difference in the world. This is true. Be positive, be open, be aware, be who you are but strive to be better. These are true as much for sex as for any other essential part of life. I hope you're taking notes. :-)

I Dare You to Find My L, M, N, and O Spots

Ashland Daily Tidings :: She introduced us to the G spot, now she recommends other hot spots :: March 5, 2007

I love reading about women who are at the forefront of something. I love even more when women are at the forefront of sex research and sexual progression. Take for example Beverly Whipple, the woman who is every woman's hero, the one who popularized the elusive "G Spot." At 65, she is still researching sex and wants to make sure that every woman is able to achieve orgasm. Her research has made many breakthroughs, not only in the scientific sense, but also in the acceptance of sex in our society. It will be a great day when people begin to accept that sex is as much a physical need as laughing, or crying, or thinking. It's what Nature intended. Deal.

Technorati Tags: orgasm, G spot, sex, sexuality, sex research, erogenous zones

Finally!

dezeen » Blog Archive » Condom device wins Most Beautiful award

Kudos to the designer of this new condom. Not only is it practical, easy to use, but it has also been named the Most Beautiful Object in South Africa. We need more of this.

Technorati Tags: condom, safe sex, design, sex, news

Why is Nature Fucking So Interesting?

Bug Rape - The best home videos are here

So I came across this video today that drew me in like Anna Nicole Smith on the E! Channel. Watching things in nature mate is so goddamn interesting and, dare I say, fun to watch. I'm sure someone out there has a fetish for it, but all that aside, it's somewhat life affirming to see nature continue to do the most natural thing in the world. It's unfortunate that society has turned it into something to be ashamed of. On the other hand, perhaps the taboo surrounding it makes watching these nature fucking videos so fun.

Here's a picture we took in Fiji (on the last day of our honeymoon, no less). Ah, nature!



Technorati Tags: Pirromount, Insects, Ladybugs, Fornication, Fuck, Fucking, Sexual Intercourse, Naked, Nude

Nudists Aren't Supposed to have Tan Lines

Victorian nudists won't stand for a filthy beach - National - theage.com.au

Take a look at the picture. Australian booties...men who want to clean up their nude beach of litter. But there are noticeable tan lines on a couple of the nudists. Take for instance the man on the far right (who I like to call Jerry). Tsk, tsk. I'd like to think that some random guy and his friend decided to bare ass and join the fun just so they could get their picture in the newspaper to try and impress girls. Later, they regretted the move when the guys took a break and played a bit of nude hackysack. No, I'm not kidding. Nude hackysack- I've seen it. Anyway, Jerry and his friend regretted the move after Hal the Nudist accidentally kicked Jerry in the nuts causing Jerry to scream expletives making the nervous dog that hung around them all day suddenly attack Jerry's friend, nearly mauling him to death and leaving him with an unsightly scar on his right buttcheek. Imagination is everything, people.

Technorati Tags: nudists, nude beach

Should it be in the Special Olympics?

Ananova - Pole dancing classes - for kids OK, watching people pole dance can be quite entertaining. The eroticism, of course, is plainly evident. But the pure physicality of it requires agility, flexibility, and a good deal of strength. Point being, you won't see my fat ass on a pole anytime soon. So this article about offering pole dancing classes to kids is somewhat disturbing. Pole dancing should not be considered a sport. If they want to make it one for kids, call it pole agility or pole position, or pole play. OK, maybe not pole play. But not pole dancing. That's strictly reserved for MILFs who want to surprise their husbands with a special Valentine's gift or lithe exotic dancers who actually look good sliding their buttocks up and down a pole. Pole dancing for kids borders on remarkably funny in a "I'm laughing at you, not with you" sort of way and remarkably weird. Because something involving a performance associated with sexual fantasy should not be even remotely in the same sentence as children. Here's the test: If it shouldn't be an event in the Special Olympics, then it shouldn't be a class offered to children at your local gym. The End.

P.S. The following video shows the most un-erotic pole dance I have ever seen. All the more reason to not offer pole dancing classes to the general public. Leave that to the professionals.

Pole Dance Practice - Celebrity bloopers here

Technorati Tags: pole dancing, weird news