No Child Left Behind and What Else I Did on My Summer Vacation

Apparently, the myth that teachers are a puritanical bunch with good morals and strong convictions with a deep sense of right and wrong, is all a bunch of horseshit. Excuse my language, but lately I've been noticing quite a few headlines about teachers getting arrested for corrupting 14 year olds, performing lewd acts with students, having sex with their pupils, and god knows what else. I know we have a shortage of teachers, but for fuckssake people! Did we somehow manage to hire only from a pool of horny, pathetic, desperate and undersexed women?

This is a matter close to my heart, because yes, I am a teacher. (Shh...don't tell anyone). I taught middle school for a few years and then moved to elementary, and now, while I'm in the process of getting my Master's Degree in Education, I write a blog about sex. OK, so I'm not one to talk. BUT, I do not, nor have I ever, entertained the thought that one of my students could be my lovers. Like, EWWWWW.

Top 5 reasons: (drum roll, please)...

Number 5 - They smell. Almost like B.O. laced with really bad cologne from the drug store or just plain old pre-pubescent stink and morning breath cocktail. Which is sooo not good.

Number 4 - They were born in the 90s. They never watched an episode of the REAL Charlie's Angels, and have no concept of what a typewriter or rotary phone are. Conversation would revolve around their MySpace page and them bragging about how many friends they have. BOOOORRRRING.

Number 3 - Said conversation would probably take place via text messaging. And I'm not that good with my thumbs.

Number 2 - I'd get really tired of having to buy them booze.

and

Number 1 Reason why I would never date my students:
IT'S ILLEGAL AND WRONG.

Granted, there are some things that I like to do that are illegal in some states and "wrong" in some people's minds, but children are off-limits. The thought that these teachers are putting a stain on the teaching profession by committing these acts infuriates me, and the fact that they've forever changed the lives of these kids for the worse instead of the better, makes me want to spit.

But, I'd like to end on a positive note. For every one of these sex offenders, there are at least 100 good teachers and 50 great teachers and possibly even 10 exceptional teachers who work their asses off and really do make a positive difference in many children's lives. And, I know of at least one teacher who is extremely smart, sexy, knows how to have ADULT fun, and could probably teach you a thing or two. She writes a really great sex blog and can swing with the best of 'em. Anyone need lessons?

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